Losing Sleep
by purplepagoda
Summary: When Jane's dreams come true will it mean a Rizzoli/Isles baby? When Maura winds up pregnant by one of the Rizzoli brother's will it spell disaster for her friendship with Jane? At the very least, there will be lots of drama.
1. Dream, A Little Dream

_She walks into her apartment, and flips on the light. She stares at her couch. She shakes her head in confusion. She closes the door behind her, and approaches the couch. She takes a seat, on the coffee table._

_"What are you doing here, Tommy?"_

_"I made a mistake."_

_"I don't want to hear it. If you wind up back in jail..."_

_"No. Not like that."_

_"What did you do?"_

_"I did something stupid. Then I said some really stupid things, and... I don't think that I can fix it."_

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"Promise me that you won't get mad."_

_"I can't promise that.""Just promise me that you won't kill me."_

_"I'm not going to kill you."_

_"Don't flip out on me. I can't handle that. I just, I don't know who else to talk to."_

_"I'm listening."_

_"You won't like it."_

_"I don't like a lot of the things that you do."_

_"I slept with Maura."_

_"Excuse me?"_

_"I slept with Maura," he repeats._

_"Why? Why would you do that? Do you have to complicate everything, all the time?"_

_"I'm sorry. I just... I like her, but I really screwed things up."_

_"How long ago did this happen? I mean you've been living there for months. You expect me to believe that it just happened all of a sudden, one night?"_

_"No," he shakes his head._

_"Ok. How did it happen?"_

_"Ma had to work late. Maura cooked dinner, and things just kind of happened from there."_

_"How long ago did it happen?"_

_"Two and a half months ago."_

_"Are you kidding me?"_

_"No. It gets worse."_

_"Ma walked in on you?"_

_"No. She knows, though."_

_"What? How did she find out?"_

_"It happened more than once."_

_"Why didn't she tell me? Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't Maura tell me?"_

_"We didn't want you to get upset."_

_"Why are you telling me now? Why do you feel the need to confess to me all of a sudden? Couldn't you go to confession?"_

_"I could, but..."_

_"Why are you just telling me now? What did you do?"_

_"I said some awful things."_

_"Like what?"_

_"I told her that I didn't love her. I said that I was just doing it..."_

_Jane cuts him off, "Does that mean that you do?"_

_"Do what?"_

_"Love her?"_

_"Yes."_

_"When did this happen?"_

_"It doesn't matter, because I'm sure that she's never going to speak to me ever again."_

_"How can you be so certain."_

_"I said a lot of other stuff to her, that I really regret."_

_"Why? What happened? The two of you had a fight?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"About what?"_

_"I told her that I'm not good enough for her. She should be with someone else. Someone who wants her and..." he trails off._

_"And, what?"_

_"Nothing. You should talk to her."_

_"Talk to her? Why? What's going on. She seemed fine today, at work. She was a little bit quiet, but I just thought that she was tired."_

_"This happened after work."_

_"Ok. What sparked this argument?"_

_"Look, you should talk to her, if you want to know that."_

_"Tell me."_

_"No, you need to talk to her."_

_"Why? What did you do?"_

_"I screwed up. I told you that. I screwed up, just like I always do. Now I can't fix it. She hates me, and... there is nothing that I can do about it."_

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"Will you go talk to here, please?"_

_"And say what?"_

_"Please."_

_"Fine, but next time call, instead of picking my lock."_

_"Ma let me borrow her spare key."_

_Jane rolls her eyes, as she leaves the apartment. Fifteen minutes later she finds herself at Maura's house. She bangs on the door, but no one answers. She tries the knob, and finds it unlocked. Maura was probably expecting her. _

_"Maura?"_

_"In here," she calls out from somewhere._

_Jane tracks down the source of the voice. She finds Maura in her bedroom, lying in bed, in her pajamas, reading a book._

_"It's not even eight o'clock," Jane points out._

_"I'm tired."_

_"Tommy told me to come talk to you."_

_"Your brother is an idiot.""I know. Why are you jumping on the bandwagon?"_

_"He didn't tell you?"_

_"Tell me what."_

_"About the argument. About what he said?"_

_"He said you had an argument, but he wouldn't say about what. He said that he said some terrible things, that he regrets saying. That's all he would tell me."_

_"You can't tell your mother."_

_"Tell her? Tell her what?"_

_"I don't want to tell her, not yet."_

_"Tell her what, Maura?"_

_"I'm pregnant."_


	2. Promise Me

"Ahh!" she screams. She wakes up, sweaty, and confused. She looks around the room, realizing that it was all just a dream. She shakes it off, and goes back to sleep.

She makes a point to stop in, and see Maura on her way into the building.

"Do you need something?" Maura asks from behind her massive desk.

"To talk."

"I'm all ears."

"I know that you're trying to do a nice thing, but.."

"What are you talking about?"

"And I know that Tommy has only been staying with you for a few weeks, but..."

"But what? Jane what?"

"You don't know him like I know him."

"You need to give him a chance."

"Maura there is something you should know about my brother."

"What's that?"

"He's charming, and sweet, and he can make you believe anything he wants to. I love him, he's my brother, but I don't trust him any farther than I could throw him. You shouldn't either."

"I am not going to treat him like a criminal. He deserves a second chance."

"He's had a hundred second chances. If you want to give him another one, that's up to you, but..."

"But what?"

"Don't get too close to him."

"What does that mean?"

"Don't..." she trails off.

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"Don't get involved with my brother."

"Why would you think that I would get involved with your brother?"

"Because you have been known to choose guys based on looks but..."

"Jane."

"Maura I just need you to promise me something."

"Promise you what?"

"Promise me that you won't sleep with my brother."

"Really?"

"Just promise me."

"I promise. You're being ridiculous."

"Don't do it Maura. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into."

"Where is this coming from?"

"I had a nightmare about it."

"About me sleeping with your brother?"

"Yes."

"Why would you dream about that?"

"I'm just not comfortable with the situation. He's my brother, you're my best friend, it promises to be nothing but complicated."

"I won't sleep with your brother, I promise."

"As long as we're clear."

"We are."

"Good."

Maura arrives home late. She steps out of her heels, and drops her bag. She locks the door, behind her. She exhales, and moves towards the stairs. She is met by a warm body. He puts himself between her, and the stairs. She pushes him away.

"What's going on?"

"We can't do this."

"Do what? Maura what are you talking about?"

"I promised."

"Promised? Promised who?"

"I promised your sister."

He kisses her. He whispers in her ear, "What she knows won't hurt her."

"Tommy, please."

"Ma's in bed. Jane isn't here. No one has to know."

"I made a promise."

"It's a little late, don't you think."

"I told her that I wouldn't sleep with you."

"Who said anything about sleep?"

"I promised."

"You didn't tell her that you're already sleeping with me?"

"No."

"don't you think that you should have?"

"No."

"Because?"

"What she doesn't know, can't hurt her."

"Exactly. There is no reason to..."

"No. We can't do this anymore. It's not fair. It's not right. I don't want things to get complicated, or messy. Can we please just end this, on good terms?"

"Maura I need you."

"You can need me from next door."

"I have to have you."

"You can feel that way from next door."

"Maura! Come on. Just one more time."

"No. It will always be just one more time. I can't give into you every time."

"Why are you so worried?"

"I don't want to get caught. Your sister will kill me, and then she'll kill you too."

"Maura, are you really telling me that you don't want this?"

"No."

"You always listen to her?"

"Only when she's right."

"What is she right about?"

"I've let you get too close."

"What does that even mean?"

"Trust is earned."

"You don't trust me?"

"I don't know you."

"You know me."

"Please. Give me some time. Give her some time, to cool off."

"Give you time?"

"In a week you'll find someone else. That's the kind of person you are."

"I won't."

"You're fickle."

"Tommy... don't do this."

"What do you want me to do? What am I supposed to say? 'You're right Maura, we should listen to Jane, because she's always right?' I'm not going to say that."

"I don't want to make a mistake."

"You think that this is a mistake? You think that I'm a screw up, and so it's just a matter of time?"

"No. That's not what I think."

"Whatever, I don't want to talk about this anymore," he storms past her. He walks out of her house, back to the guest house.


	3. Consequence

She climbs into the tub full of bubbles. She feels herself surrounded by the silence of the house. Why did she have to push him away? Why did she have to listen? What did Jane know? She needed someone in her life. Why did he have to be Jane's brother? It wasn't fair. She shakes her thoughts from her head.

1 month later-They've both been on the job for over 16 hours. She walks into the morgue. Maura looks up at her.

"What do you want?"

"What's your problem? I just came down here, to see what you have."

"I would have called, if I had something," she snarls.

"Are you mad at me?" Jane questions.

"No."

"Why are you so irritated?"

"I'm not," Maura lies.

"You seem like you are."

"I am just tired."

"Then go home."

"I can't, I'm not done yet."

"What's going on with you?" Jane probes.

"Nothing is going on with me. I am perfectly fine," she growls.

"Really? You've been pretty cold, lately."

"Don't you know? I'm the queen of the dead?"

"Maura! What is your problem?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little bit annoyed with you right now."

"Right now? You've been like this for weeks."

"Why is it your place to tell me what I can, and can't do? Why do you get to make that decision. I am a grown woman, and I am perfectly capable of making choices on my own."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Are you talking about Tommy?"

"Yes."

"Why? Why do you care? Tommy is bad news."

"You should let me make that decision on my own."

"Do you want to sleep with my brother? Is that what this is about? Are you asking permission?"

"I am not asking permission."

"But that is what this is about?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to sleep with him?"

"I want to know if I do, that I can. I am an adult, and I can sleep with whomever I choose."

"Then sleep with him, I don't care. I just know him. I know that you're going to end up hurt. I'm sorry that I am trying to protect you."

"I don't need anyone to protect me."

"Fine," Jane crosses her arms, "But when he breaks your heart, don't expect me to pick up the pieces."

"Breaks my heart? I'm not planning on falling in love with him."

"Does anyone ever plan on falling in love?"

"I don't know. I just know that it's my choice."

"Your mistake," Jane corrects.

"I don't know how you can stand here, and tell me that I am making a mistake, when you're too damn afraid to make any."

"Whoa! That was harsh."

"It is the truth, Jane, and you know it."

"I can't talk to you right not; not when you're like this. I think that you should go home, and calm down. Come back in the morning, and we'll talk."

"Who says that I even want to talk to you?"

"I'm your best friend."

"Says who?"

"I'm you're only friend," Jane corrects.

The words hit Maura like a dagger. She pulls off her gloves, and shoves the body back into the freezer. She tosses the gloves in the trash. She storms out of the room.

"I'm going home."

Jane shakes her head. She gives Maura a few seconds to catch the elevator. When she hears the doors close she flips off the light, and leaves the room. She walks down the hall, and waits on the next elevator.

She comes home to an empty house. She waltzes past the kitchen, even though her stomach growls at her. She heads straight up the stairs. She peels off her clothes, and climbs into the bathtub. She's nearly comatose, when someone knocking on the door brings her back to life. She stares at the door, that is open, just a crack.

"Can I come in?" he questions.

"Why would you want to?"

"Jane asked me to talk to you."

"I..."

He ignores her, and comes into the bathroom. He takes a seat on the edge of the tub. He locks eyes with her.

"Why do you care?"

"You haven't been yourself lately. What's wrong?"

"I'm frustrated. I am used to getting the things that I want."

"The men that you want?"

"Yes," she nods.

"Talk to me."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because you won't like what I have to say."

"Which is what?"

"I'm mad at your sister."

"Yeah, that happens. She's pretty irritating. You get used to it, after a while."

"I'm mad at her, because she's right."

"About what?"

"About this."

"About us?" he clarifies.

"Yeah."

"How do you figure?"

"Because she is. We never should have done this."

"No one has to know, if that's the way you feel about it."

"You don't understand."

"How could I possibly understand you, you never let me in. You never let anyone in."

"She was right. I let you get too close, and now..."

"Now what?"

"Now I can't go back. I can't fix it."

"Fix what?"

"She's going to find out."

"How? Are you going to tell her?"

"I don't think that I am going to have much of a choice."

"Just because you're her friend doesn't mean that you have to tell her every thought that you have."

"I know that."

"Then why would you have to tell her?"

"She's going to find out."

"How? Who is going to tell her?"

"It will be self-evident."

"How do you figure?"

"She'll probably notice when I blow up like a balloon."

"A balloon? What are you talking about?"


	4. Guilty Conscience

"I'm pregnant."

He shakes his head. His forehead wrinkles. He says nothing. She notices as all the color drains from his face. She knows his next move. Jane was right, he hadn't changed that much. No one could, not over night. He was predictable. Finally he speaks.

"I... I need to go clear my head."

She simply nods, fighting off the tears, until he leaves the room. She sinks into the lukewarm water, simply wanting to disappear. Finally she comes back to the surface. She pulls the plug, and climbs out of the tub. She climbs into her pajamas. She slide into bed, with wet hair. Her pillow ends up soaked, as she cries herself to sleep.

She ignores the alarm in the morning, having been up three times already. She simply turns the alarm off, and covers her head with a pillow. Ten minutes later she feels the pillow being pulled off of her.

"Wake up," a familiar voice tells her gruffly.

"No," she argues.

"Now!"

She opens her eyes, and stares at Angela.

"You're going to be late for work."

"What are you, my mother?"

"No, but I am a mother, and it's my job to make sure you don't do anything stupid."

"I'm fine."

"Then why are you still in bed? You're usually the first one up."

"I don't want to go to work today."

"Have you ever called in sick?"

"No, but..."

"Then there's no reason to start now."

"I am sick."

"No, you're not, now get up."

"I really am," she argues.

"If you act like a child, I will treat you like one. If you stay home I am going to stuff you full of chicken noodle soup, and take your temperature every hour. Is that what you want? I won't leave you alone."

"Five more minutes?"

"No. Up! Now!" Angela pulls the covers off her.

Maura reluctantly gets out of bed. Angela leaves the room, and heads down the stairs. She has a slice of toast, and rushes out the door.

When she steps into her office she finds Jane waiting on her.

"What are you doing?"

"Waiting on you," Jane replies.

"Why?"

"Are you still mad at me?"

"Yes."

"Get over it."

"Get over it? That's your response?"

"We have work to do."

"Jane, you don't understand."

"Understand what?"

Maura takes a seat behind her desk. She points to the seat on the opposite side.

"Have a seat."

"I'm fine. Make it snappy, we have work to do."

"Have a seat, you'll need it."

"Why? What did he do now?"

"Nothing, just have seat," Maura demands.

Jane takes a seat. "Ok, what?"

"The reason I was so angry with you, was because you were right."

"I usually am."

"Cocky, much?"

"Right about what?"

"What you said."

"About?"

"Your brother."

"What did he do now?"

"He didn't do anything."

"Come on, Maura, even you don't buy that."

"It's not what you think."

"Ok? What happened? Why were you so upset?"

"Because I don't like being told what to do, or what not to do."

"I know. I'm sorry if I crossed a line, but you don't know my brother, like I do."

"No, I don't."

"Why am I sitting?"

"Back to the part about you being right."

"Uh huh?"

"You were."

"What do you mean, I was? How do you know that? What did you do?"

"Do you remember when you made me promise not to sleep with your brother?"

"Distinctly, why?"

"You remember that I agreed."

"Yes," she nods.

"I agreed, but..."

"But? But what? I don't like buts, Maura."

"I had already slept with him."

"That's why you're angry? You want to continue to sleep with him?"

"No. I'm angry because you were right."

"About what?"

"Everything."

"I talked to Ma, this morning, she didn't say anything."

"She doesn't know."

"Know what?"

"What's going on?"

"What is going on?"

"I wish you had given me advice earlier, although I doubt that it would have mattered. I probably wouldn't have listened to you."

"You said that you already slept with him. Why are you telling me now?"

"I thought that you should know."

"Why now?"

"I guess that I just have a guilty conscious," she lies.

"I've never known you to have a guilty conscious."

"I've never promised you that I wouldn't do something, knowing that I already have."

"I guess."

Jane turns, and leaves, unsatisfied with Maura's answers.


	5. Who I Am

When she gets home, she finds Tommy sitting on her couch, waiting on her.

"Where's your mom?"

"In bed."

"Oh."

"Dinner's in the fridge, for you," he reveals, "last night's is too."

"I'm not really hungry."

"You have to eat something."

"Don't. Just don't."

"We need to talk."

"What is there to talk about?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what? Which part?"

"For me, being an idiot."

"That's not good enough."

"Maura, I'm not good at this. I don't know what you want me to say, or what you want me to do. I am used to running from responsibility. The only time I've been held accountable was prison. I don't want to feel like that again."

"I'm not asking you to be accountable. I just thought that you should know."

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"I don't want a baby. I can't have a kid, I will just screw that up, too. You have to understand. I wish things could be different, but they're not. I'm no good for you. I am not father material. This is what's best, whether you believe that, or not."

"You're running away, like a scared little boy?"

"You expected something more, something different? You know who I am."

"Stop with all the, 'this is who I am', crap. Be who you want to be, not who everyone thinks that you are."

"What do I have to offer? I'm not like you Maura. I'm not smart, or talented. I'm a convicted felon. I don't make enough money to take care of a kid. I'm irresponsible, and impulsive. Is that kind of father you want for your kid?"

"It's not my choice. If you want you, that's up to you."

"Are you sure that you're pregnant?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to keep it?"

"Are you being serious right now?"

"I think that it's a valid question. It would be politically incorrect to assume that you are going to keep it."

"Yes, I am."

"Oh."

"You sound disappointed."

"You're not afraid that it will turn out like me?"

"How can it turn out like you? You won't be involved."

"I don't want you to do this. I don't want you to have this baby. I know that it might be wrong, for me to say so, but I don't. It's a mistake. To have a baby. To have my baby. You're making a mistake. You'll regret it."

"Is that a threat?"

"I'm just telling you. I'm not the guy you wanna have a kid with."

"No, but you are."

"Are you sure that you want this? You don't know what you're getting yourself into."

"You can have your opinion, but you don't get to make this decision. I'm sorry that you're scared, or irresponsible, or whatever it is, that you are, but I am going to do this."

"How?"

"What do you mean, how?"

"Who is going to take care of the baby? You, or a nanny? I mean you have to pay the bills somehow. Are you going to give up your job, your career, to take care of this baby? A baby you're not even going to like."

"Why wouldn't I like my own child?"

"It'll be like me. It will cry all night, and keep you up. It will try your patience, and make you want to scream."

"Why are you doing this? Why are you making this so hard? Why are you being such a jerk?"

"Who else do you want me to be? I can pretend to be whoever you want me to be, but I always just be pretending. Maura, I'll be whatever you want me to, just know, it's not me."

"Fine."

"You want me to go?"

"Go? Where are you going to go?"

"I just assumed that you wanted me out."

"I don't care. Stay, or go. It's up to you. Just don't tell me how to live my life. If you don't want to be involved, then stay out of it."

"Ok," he nods, and walks away.

She barely gets any sleep. She wakes up around six, feeling miserable. She finds Angela standing in the doorway.

"Are you awake?"

"No."

Angela pushes the door open. She stops at Maura's bedside. She takes a seat at the edge of the bed.

"You're feeling pretty sick, huh?"

Maura nods, doubting that she will elicit any sympathy.

"Can I do anything for you?"

She shakes her head.

"Do you want me to pull your hair back out of your way?"

"I'm ok, for now."

"You won't be for long," Angela warns.

Maura furrows her brown, wondering what Angela knows, what she's thinking. The wave of nausea hits Maura. Angela pulls the covers off of her. She follows her into the bathroom. She pulls her hair out of the way, and clips it up, as Maura's face rockets towards the toilet bowl.

When Maura's done, she helps her to her feet. She steers her towards the sink. Maura watches Angela in the mirror, as she swishes with mouthwash, and brushes her teeth. She does a final rinse, and then spits.

"Go back to bed."

"I have to go to work."

"Oh, no, not like that. You're going to stay home."

"But..."

"Don't argue. Just march. Back to bed, young lady."

Maura makes her way back to bed. Angela tucks her in.

"Are you hungry?"

"Are you crazy?" Maura responds.

"I'll make you some jello."

"I don't like Jello," Maura replies.

"Green Jello, it is."

"I don't like jello."

"You'll eat it."

"I can't keep anything down."

"You'll make yourself keep this down."

"I doubt that."

"Trust me. It tastes even worse coming up. It's like throwing up stale candy that has sat at the bottom of your purse for a decade. You'll make yourself keep it down. Besides as much puking as you've been doing, you need to be re-hydrated."

"You..."

"Not now. I've got to go make some Jello."


	6. All Along

Maura eats the green jello, and goes back to sleep. As she sleeps Angela turns all of the phones off. She puts them all out of Maura's sight. She scrubs the toilet, and goes to the drug store, for bubblegum flavored mouthwash. When she returns Maura is just starting to wake up.

Maura looks around the room, and finds Angela sitting on her bed.

"Are you awake now?"

"What time is it?"

"Ten."

"Ten? Why did you let me sleep so long? I am supposed to be at work."

"I called in for you."

"Do you know what boundaries are?"

"Boundaries are for the weak minded, Maura."

"You don't have to take care of me."

"Someone has to, you certainly aren't."

"I'm fine."

"Maura don't lie to me," Angela chastises.

"I'm fine, or I will be."

"Learn to like jello," Angela suggests.

"Huh?"

"That's probably the only thing that you'll be eating for the next couple of months."

"How much do you know?" Maura wonders.

"Everything."

"Someone told you?"

"If by someone you mean Tommy, no. No one told me. I'm not deaf, dumb, blind, or stupid Maura. I know what goes on in this house. I mean it doesn't take a whole lot to put two and two together," Angela reveals.

"I'm sorry."

"I am assuming that by the way he's acting that he knows," Angela guesses.

"I told him the day before yesterday."

"How long have you known?"

"Three days," Maura confirms.

"Have you gone to the doctor?"

"I am a doctor," she reminds.

"For the dead Maura. You need a doctor who does the complete opposite."

"I have one, I just haven't made it there yet."

"You need to. You know that. I shouldn't have to tell you," she warns Maura.

"I'll make an appointment..."

"When you have time? Don't make me mother you. I will make the appointment, and drag you to it, if I have to."

"I can do it," Maura insists.

"Stop sulking, and get it together."

"Sulking? I'm not sulking."

"He'll come around."

"You don't know that," Maura tells her.

"He'll be disowned if he doesn't."

"How long have you known?"

"Two weeks."

"Two weeks? I haven't even known that long," Maura comments, in a mix of confusion, and outrage.

"I've had three children. I know when a woman is pregnant, especially when I spend every day with her, and live right next door, in her guest house."

"I hate that word."

"You'll get over it."

"I haven't told Jane," Maura admits.

"You need to."

"How am I supposed to tell her?"

"She'll get over being angry with you, eventually," Angela reassures her.

"I doubt it."

"She'll start feeling sorry for you, and she'll forget about being angry."

"How do you know?"

"You will probably spend the next seven or eight weeks with your head in the toilet, most of the day."

"It doesn't get better?"

"For most women it does. With Tommy, and Frankie I think that I may have gotten sick once. With Jane, it was a completely different story. I was sick from sun up, until sun down. I ate nothing but jello for eight weeks. It was hell. Then, one morning I woke up, and nothing, I was fine. Until she started kicking. She never stopped. She would kick all night long. She had the same sense of humor in-utero, that she does now."

"Is this where you tell me that you were in labor for three days with her?"

"No. She was two weeks late, but when she decided to come, she was ready. I barely made it to the hospital. I was at the hospital exactly an hour, before she was born. All eight pounds nine ounces of her."

"If you knew, why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't know if you knew, or not," Angela responds.

"You could have said something."

"That would be an awkward conversation, don't you think? Maura I know you slept with my son, and I think that you might be pregnant?"

"I don't know. This whole situations is awkward."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Yes," Maura admits.

"I'm all ears."

"Not with you."

"With Jane? That would require you to tell her, first."

"I don't want to tell her, not until I have to. I hate when she's right."

"Especially when you're the one who is wrong," Angela adds.

"I don't like being wrong."

"I know."

"I made a mistake," Maura sighs.

"I know."

"You aren't going to disagree?"

"I don't know what you were thinking."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry, for what? Why are you apologizing to me?"

"I should have known better. He's too young, and immature, and I should have known better."

"You should have, but you are not the only person involved in this situation," Angela reminds her.

"He doesn't want me to do this."

"I know that."

"I want to do this."

"I know, that, too."

"So why do I feel so torn?"

"Because it's the wrong time, with the wrong guy, and in the wrong situation," Angela lays out the pieces of the puzzle, the way she sees them.

"What am I supposed to do? I don't know how to do this."

"You're going to need help, you just have to ask. Maura, you have to learn to ask. This is going to be the hardest thing that you're ever going to have to do."

"You aren't always going to be living in the guest house," she points out.

"I'm always here, if you need me."

"Why are you so nice to me?"

"Just because you're grown doesn't mean that you can't still use a little mothering, from time to time."


	7. The Elephant In The Room

She rolls over. She finds her best friend, standing next to her bed. Jane just shakes her head.

"Have you been in bed all day?"

"What time is it?"

"Noon."

"I don't feel well."

"Boo-freaking-hoo."

"You don't understand."

"Maura, you're whining."

"I am not," she argues.

"What's going on with you? Are you ever going to be done being mad at me?"

"Maybe."

"Why are you being so secretive?"

"It's my prerogative."

"Maura, talk to me. I know that you want to."

"Sometimes people make mistakes."

"I know."

"People includes me."

"Yes, people is a pretty broad generalization, that includes you," Jane retorts.

"My point is..." she trails off.

"You made a mistake?"

"One of a monumental magnitude. I should have listened to you."

"Now you're heartbroken?"

"I'm confused."

"Confused? About what?"

"Everything."

"Everything? What does everything entail?"

"Everything about my life. I don't know what to do."

"My brother, managed to change everything about your life? You're kidding right?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"You're that in to him?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know."

"He really did a number on you."

"You have no idea."

"What did he do? Tell me exactly what he said, and did."

"Why?"

"So I know."

"You should ask him that."

"I will, but right now, I'm asking you."

"It's not important."

"Yes it is. I want to know what he said to you."

"It doesn't matter. It's over."

"Because of me?"

"No."

"Because?"

"Because it is."

"What happened? You've been moping around for days. He has you in this much of a funk?"

"Yes."

"I think I should go to talk to him."

"Jane, that's not necessary."

"Yes it is. He hurt you. I told you that he would, but that is not the point. The point is, he hurt you, and..."

"Don't hurt him."

"I'm not going to hurt him. I am just going to talk to him. Where is he?"

"I'm not his keeper."

"I'll find him."

She finds her brother, sitting in a bar. He sits at the counter, staring down a greasy hamburger. She slides onto the stool next to him.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk."

"I do."

"How did you find me?"

"I implanted a GPS chip in your arm, when you weren't looking," she retorts.

"Ma, told you where to find me?" He guesses.

"Yeah."

"Why are you here?"

"Because you hurt my best friend."

"You don't understand."

"What is there to understand? You hurt her."

"You have no idea what's going on."

"What did you say to her?"

"I just told her the truth."

"Which is what?"

"I don't want to be with her. I don't want to be involved, in anyway. She doesn't take rejection well."

"It's more than that. What did you say to her, exactly?"

"I told her that she was making a mistake."

"A mistake, what are you talking about?"

"You don't know?" he realizes.

"Know what?"

"Ma didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Maura, didn't tell you? You two are best friends, I figured that she would tell you. Actually, I was kind of surprised that she told me, before she told you."

"Told me what?"

"For a detective, you are not doing a very good job of piecing things together."

"Things, what things?"

"Let me ask you this; in all of the time that you've worked with Maura, has she ever missed a day of work?"

"No. I just assumed that you made her sick."

"I did."

"Although I don't think that would be a good enough reason."

"It is."

"Why?"

"I made her sick. It's all my fault. Everything is always my fault."

"She's blaming you?"

"No. She's not, but everyone else will."

"Blame you for what?"

"Making her eat green jello."

"Maura doesn't eat jello. Especially not green jello."

"Ma made her some."

"You must be confused. Ma only makes green jello for pregnant women."

"She made Maura green jello."

"What are you telling me, Tommy?"

"You really want me to say it?"

"Say it."

"Jane, you need to talk to Maura. Maura should be the one to tell you," he insists.


	8. Bubbles

She pushes the door open. She enters the house, without knocking. She runs up the stairs, like a bull in a stampede. She stops at Maura's door, for a brief door. She opens the door without knocking. She notices the light spilling on floor, from the bathroom. She heads towards the door, which is slightly ajar. She pushes it open, not caring to respect Maura's privacy.

Maura looks up, from the tub full of bubbles. She furrows her brow, and shakes her head.

"Yes, Jane, please come in. I am just taking a bath."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Heaven forbid that I invade your privacy."

"Your mother lives in my guest house, I don't have any privacy."

"And for good reason. You can't be trusted with any privacy. You just go, and do stupid things, if no one is watching you."

"Is there a reason that you barged in here, or did you just want to watch me take a bath?"

"No, I did not come to watch you take a bath."

"Then why are you here?"

"What is going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"Tommy wouldn't tell me what's going on."

"With?"

"You. He said that you should be the one to tell me," Jane answers.

"I agree."

"So you're going to tell me?"

"No. Not now," she shakes her head, and stares at her tub full of bubbles.

"When?"

"I don't know."

"Have you been eating green Jello?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Answer the question Maura," Jane insists.

"Are you interrogating me?"

"Are you withholding information?"

"I hate when you do that."

"Do what?"

"Answer a question with a question," Maura reveals.

"I hate when you go on for an hour, when the answer I need takes ten seconds."

"I apologize."

"Maura, what aren't you telling me?"

"Jane..."

"Have you been eating green jello?"

"Yes," Maura confirms.

"Ma made you green jello?"

"Yes," Maura nods.

"You're sure? It wasn't blue, or yellow, maybe."

"Green. It was green."

"I see."

"Why do you have that look on your face?"

"Ma only makes green jello for someone who is pregnant."

"Oh, I didn't know."

"You didn't know that you are pregnant, or you didn't know that she only made jello for pregnant people?"

"The second one," Maura replies.

"Do you know that you're pregnant?"

"Are you asking if I am, or asking if I know whether I know that I am, or not?"

"Are you pregnant? Maura, are you pregnant?"

"Yes."

"You've got to be kidding, right?" Jane hopes.

"No."

"So the fight with my brother.."

"Was about me being pregnant," Maura confirms.

"You're having Tommy's baby?"

"I am..." she pauses, and looks away, "I am having my baby."

"Who is the father?"

"There is not going to be a father."

"Who is responsible for the other half of the genetic material?"

"Jane..."

"My brother got you knocked up?"

"I wouldn't put it like that," Maura answers.

"How would you put it? My brother is half, genetically responsible, for the fetus inside of you?"

"I..."

"It doesn't matter how I say it, because it's still wrong."

"Please, don't lecture me," Maura begs.

"What did you fight with him about? You don't want him to be involved?"

"The opposite."

"The opposite? What do you mean?"

"He said that I was making a mistake..." she trails off.

Jane notices the look in her eyes. She picks up on the pained expression on her face, "He said that the baby is a mistake?"

Maura simply nods, on the verge of tears.

"What else did he say?"

"He doesn't want to screw it up. He doesn't want to have anything to do with it."

"He'll come around."

"It don't care if he does, or not."

"Maura," Jane calls. Maura stares at her painted toes, sticking out of the water. "Maura," Jane repeats, "look at me."

"What?" Maura wipes away the tears.

"Please tell me that you didn't fall in love with him."

"Of course I didn't. It was just sex," Maura rationalizes.

"That happened to result in a baby?"

"It's not a baby yet."

"Are you keeping it?"

"Yes," Maura nods.

"You're already in love with it?"

"Yes."

"Then it's a baby," Jane argues.

"I was stupid. I..."

"No, you were horny, there is a difference," Jane points out.

"It doesn't make it ok."

"No, it doesn't. It just makes it life."

"Not a great way to start."

"Ma, knows?"

"She didn't say anything?"

"No. I'm surprised that she hasn't announced to the world that she is going to be a grandmother," Jane admits.

"I think that she's afraid."

"Afraid? Why would she be afraid?"

"I think that your mother thinks I am a flake."

"Maura, what are you talking about? My mother loves you."

"I think that she's afraid that I'll take the baby away from her, somehow."

"Have you told her that you're not going anywhere?"

"No," Maura shakes her head.

"Are you going somewhere?"

"No. I need help. I'll need her help. Who else will be willing to watch a colicky baby, at two o'clock in the morning, when I get called to a crime scene?"

Jane smiles, "Not another soul in the world."


	9. Lectures

"Maura, are you going to be ok?"

"I," she pauses, "I honestly don't know. I am not sure how to make any of this work out."

"What do you mean?"

"It's complicated. I am pregnant, with your brother's baby. That is a complication. I am over thirty, that is a complication. I work sixty hours a week, on a good week. That's a complication."

"Maura, nothing in life, is ever easy, or simple. It is going to be work, a lot of work, but you'll get through it."

"How do you know? I have no clue what I'm doing, or how I'm feeling."

"You're happy, aren't you? Didn't you tell me that you wanted this?"

"Wanted what?"

"A baby?"

"It is one thing when you see someone else's baby, and say, 'Oh, I want one of those.' It's something else, when you are the one having it. It's..." she trails off.

"Scary?" Jane supplies the word.

"Scarier than I ever imagined. I mean I have to face the fact, that I might be doing this on my own. I may have to..."

"You'll never be alone."

"But I might have to be a single parent. I don't know the first thing about being a parent. I didn't have the greatest role models."

"You should talk to Tommy."

"Why? So that he can tell me that I made a mistake."

"First of all, you were not the only person involved in this. Second of all, you should remind him that this is his responsibility, too."

"He doesn't want to feel trapped."

"That is a bunch of bull. He needs to get over himself."

"He doesn't want to be a part of this."

"It's a little bit late for that now, don't you think."

"It's not his fault."

"Maura, don't go there. His whole life, people have made excuses for Tommy. It's time for him to man up. He needs to take responsibility. This is probably the only chance he's ever going to get, to redeem himself."

"To be honest, I don't know if I want him to be involved."

"Why not?"

"If he's just going to be in, and out, whenever he pleases, then it would be best if he just stays out."

"And how is that going to work? He, and my mother live in your guest house."

"I don't know."

"So what is your plan?"

"Plan? I don't have a plan," Maura admits.

"You have a lot to figure out."

"Don't you think that I know that? This is going to change everything, and I don't know what I am supposed to do, to adjust. I don't know..." she begins to hyperventilate.

"Maura, it's ok. Calm down. One day at a time, that is all you can do. Just one day at a time. Ok?"

Maura nods, she continues to hyperventilate. Jane begins to panic.

"Ok, Maura, breathe in and out. Come on, slowly," she insists.

* * *

><p>"You waiting up for me, or something?" he questions, finding his mother sitting on the couch, when he walks in the door.<p>

"Sit down," Angela insists.

"What did I do wrong, now?"

"Tommy sit down!" she replies sternly.

"Ok," he takes a seat next to her.

"I want you to listen to me, very carefully, ok?"

"Ok?"

"Tommy, look at me when I'm talking to you."

He turns his head, to look at her.

"I have tried to stay out of this, but I can't."

"Stay out of what?"

"You know what."

"Ma, don't act innocent. You haven't tried to stay out of anything."

"I have tried to give you time, and space, but I can't."

"You can't? What are you talking about."

"Maura is having your baby."

"Don't you think that I know that?"

"Act like it."

"I'm sorry that just because she's having my kid, I don't want to tie myself down, to her, for the rest of my life. I'm not ready for that. I don't want a kid. I made that perfectly clear."

"Sometimes I wonder if you were switched at birth, because my son would not say something like that."

"Ma, I'm sorry, but it's true. I don't want a kid. I don't want to be with Maura. I don't want any of this."

"Then what were you doing with her, in the first place?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, it does."

"Why?"

"Tommy, she is having your baby," Angela reminds him.

"I know that. I am sorry that any of this ever happened. If I could make it all go away, I would."

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Like what?" he responds.

"Like an asshole."

"Ma!"

"I'm sorry, but you are. What has gotten into you? I thought that I taught you that when you do something you have to deal with the consequences, good, or bad. You are responsible for your actions."

"I am not responsible for this," he defends himself.

"Maybe not entirely, but you are partially responsible."

"I don't want to be. I am washing my hands of it."

"No. You're not."

"Excuse me?" he raises an eyebrow.

"You're going to get over yourself, and your ego. You're going to step up to the plate, and be there. If you don't want to be with Maura, I can't force you to be. That is between you, and Maura. I'll be damned, if you think you're going to walk away from this one. It's time that you start acting like an adult, and stop acting like a scared little boy. You're going to have a child, whether you like it or not. I am not going to let you be a deadbeat. You're going to be this child's father, whether you want to or not."

"Why are you being so harsh, on me?" he inquires.

"This isn't a TV you stole, or a car you took out for a joyride. This isn't something that is going to get you sent upstate for three to five. You created another life, and you are responsible for it. This isn't something that is ever going to go away. This is a life long commitment, that you have to make."

"Why?"


	10. Falling Back Into The Same Pattern

"Why? You're kidding me right?" Angela questions.

"No. Why are you so insistent on this? Maura will let you play grandma, even if I'm not in the picture."

"This has nothing to do with me."

"Then what is this about?"

"You need to be a man. You made a baby, and now you need to take care of it."

"No."

"No? Why not? What makes you think that it is ok to walk away?"

"Why would I do something that I am only going to fail at. I am not father material. I should not be anybody's role model. I'm a criminal. I work part time, at a crappy job. I live with my mother, in Jane's best friend's guest house. I'm a loser. No one wants me as their father. All I'm ever going to do is be a disappointment. I don't have anything to offer. I can't buy the kid nice things. I don't have a good track record. I'll end up back in jail, or..."

Angela cuts him off, "Excuse me? No, you won't. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself."

* * *

><p>Maura looks up from her microscope, as the footsteps come closer. Jane smiles, as she enters the morgue.<p>

"Hey."

"Hey," Maura responds.

"How are you feeling? Better?" Jane questions.

"Yeah," Maura nods.

"Liar."

"What makes your think that I'm lying?"

"You're as white as a sheet, Maura. All morning you've been bouncing between green, and deathly white."

"I feel better," she insists.

"Really?"

"I wouldn't be here, if I wasn't," Maura retorts.

"You can't afford for anyone to think you have anything other than the flu."

"As far as I'm concerned, I don't."

"Really?"

"It has yet to be confirmed."

"You didn't run a blood test to confirm, first thing when you came in this morning?"

"No. What would make you think that?"

"The bandage I saw on your arm earlier."

"Just a scratch," Maura lies.

"Maura, you are not a good liar."

"I am too."

"Not to me."

"Ok, I'm not," Maura concedes.

"So?"

"But it hasn't been confirmed by an independent source, yet."

"And when will it be?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"Is someone going with you?"

"No," Maura shakes her head.

"Why not?"

"I am an adult. I am perfectly capable of taking myself to the doctor, and driving myself here, afterwards."

"I wasn't implying that you weren't," Jane reveals.

"So what were you implying?"

"That someone should go with you, for moral support."

"Like who?"

"I don't know, maybe my brother," Jane suggests.

"He has made his feelings very clear."

"And now it is time to tell him, that it's just too bad, his feelings don't count."

"I can't do that," Maura argues.

"Yes, you can."

"No, I can't."

"You should take someone with you."

"Are you volunteering?"

"I'll go, if you want me to," Jane squirms.

Maura furrows her brow, "When was the last time you saw a..."

Jane's hand flies up, "Don't finish that thought, if you want my help with any of this."

"Fine."

"So, would you like me to go with you?"

"If you want."

"Maura, it's a yes, or no question."

Maura looks into the binocular lenses of her microscope.

"Avoidance is not an answer," Jane reminds, as she heads for the door.

"Ok?"

"Ok, you know it's not an answer, or..."

Maura cuts her off, "Ok, you can come."

"I can come, or you want me to come?"

"I want you to come. You're right, I might need moral support."

"I'll pick you up."

* * *

><p>The following evening she arrives home from work after nine. She flips on the light, and finds a guest in her house, sitting on her couch.<p>

"What are you doing in here?"

"How was your appointment?"

"Tommy, don't pretend to care," she warns.

"Ma, wanted me to ask," he clarifies.

"Everything went fine," she reveals.

"Good."

"I'm definitely pregnant, in case you're wondering."

"I know."

"Do you need something else?" she asks coldly.

"No, why?"

"If not, I think you should go," she answers, heading for the stairs.

"Maura, wait," he begs.

She stops. He gets off the couch, and moves towards her. He stops when he reaches her.

"I don't know what to say here. I am not good at stuff like this," he admits.

"I know. I'd like to remind you, that I never asked for anything."

"I feel like I'm letting you down," he admits.

"You are," she responds, candidly.

"I wish that things didn't go this way. I wish we could just keep doing, what we were doing, you know. I miss just having fun with you."

Maura doesn't say anything. Tommy takes a step closer, closing the gap between him. She stares into his eyes, trying to make her mind go blank. He presses his lips against hers, and everything else disappears. She feels herself melting, into him. Her pulse quickens, her blood pressure rises. Her temperature increases, as he touches her neck, with his fingers, pulling her closer to him.


	11. Busted

He focuses his attention on her. He kisses her, trying to ignore the facts. The fact that she's having his baby. And, the fact that they're on her floor, twelve feet away from an unlocked door, that someone could walk in, at anytime. He looks at her, and notices her expression change. He notices her lips moving, but is too caught up to make out what she's saying. Her hands move between them. She tries to push him off.

He hears a shriek, but it's not from Maura. His mouth instantly goes dry. His heart jumps into his throat. He feels embarrassment stinging his cheeks, as he moves onto the floor, beside Maura.

They stare at the face, that looks at them, in horror. A blanket gets tossed on top of them. Feet move quickly. A door slams. He stares at the door, for a minute, and then looks at Maura. He shakes his head.

"I am so sorry," he apologizes.

Maura begins laughing hysterically. He watches her in confusion, after several moments she is able to compose herself.

"I'm sorry, I have to laugh, to keep from crying," she admits.

"I can't believe that she walked in on us," he responds.

"You think that we've scared her for life?" Maura wonders.

"Jane!" is Tommy's reaction.

"What about her?"

"What if Ma tells her? She'll kill me."

"You're more worried about Jane finding out, than your mother walking in on us?"

"It could have been worse," he reminds her.

"How?"

"I don't know," he shrugs, "Jane could have been with her."

"I guess. I think that you should go talk to her."

"I think we should talk, first," he answers her.

"Ok," she agrees.

"I can't commit to anything right now. I just need some time, to figure things out. Can you give me that?"

"Tommy, I am not pressuring you to do anything. You can have all the time that you need."

Jane walks up the sidewalk. She finds her mother standing in front of the door, just staring. She nudges Angela with her elbow.

"You frozen, or something?"

"I was just... I shouldn't... next time I'll..." she splutters.

"Ma," Jane grabs her by the shoulders, "what's going on?"

"Maura, and..." she trails off.

"Maura, and what?"

Angela doesn't answer. Jane shakes her head, and walks past her mother. She reaches for the doorknob.

"No, don't," Angela warns.

"Why are you being so weird? Come on," Jane turns the knob, and pushes the door open.

She steps in the door. She finds her brother, and her best friend, on the floor. Clothes are strewn about. They are barely covered by a fleece throw. Maura covers her face, with her hands.

"I guess it just got worse," Tommy comments.

"I don't even know what to say right now. Haven't the two of you made enough messes?" Jane replies.

"Whatever you have to say, can it wait until we get dressed?" Maura questions.

"Sure," Jane nods, turning around.

She waits for them to get dressed. Tommy walks past her, out the door. He closes it behind himself.

"Maura, are you decent?" Jane questions.

"I'm dressed, if that's what you're asking," Maura responds.

Jane turns around.

"What the Hell are you doing?"

"I don't know."

"What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't."

"Exactly, you weren't thinking. How does that even happen? I mean haven't you learned your lesson. You had sex with him, and now you're pregnant. He doesn't want to be involved in raising the baby, and you end up having sex with him, on the living room floor?"

"Technically it's not the living room," Maura points out.

"And my mother walked in on the two of you?"

"Yes."

"What happened?"

"I don't know," Maura shrugs, "He was waiting for me to get home. He asked me how my appointment went."

"And the natural progression, was the two of you, on the floor, doing the nasty, with the door unlocked?"

"I don't know. He's charming I guess. He started talking and then..." Maura sorts through the events.

"And then the to of you are on the floor?"

"There were things that happened between those events."

"But basically, you're a sucker?"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, Maura, but you need to have a little bit of respect for yourself. Where are you standards?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Have you already forgotten that my idiot brother managed to knock you up? Or that he wants nothing to do with you, or the baby?"

"No?"

"So then why did you sleep with him?"

"I couldn't help myself."

"Maura, don't you dare blame hormones. We both know, that..."

"It is very common..." she begins.

"No," Jane cuts her off, "I don't want to hear excuses."

"Why are you so upset?"

"Where do I even begin? First of all you slept with my brother, when I specifically told you not to. Second of all he got you pregnant. Third of all he wants nothing to do with being a parent. And, finally after all of that you slept with him again. Oh, and..."

"There can't be an and, you already said finally," Maura corrects.

"And, to top it all off," Jane begins.

"Ok."

"And to top it all of, my mother walked in on you two, and then I came in, and you were still naked, on the floor."

"I know."

"What is wrong with you?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"This is why men are such pigs."

"Excuse me?"

"Women let them walk all over them, and then still let them back in their pants."

"Jane, that is very sexist."

"But it's true," Jane points out.

"What do you want me to say?"

"What do you even see in him?"

"He's good looking, and charming, and..." she trails off."

"And what?" Jane rages.

"And I just want to..."

Jane cuts her off, "Wait, don't finish that, I don't want to know how that ends."


	12. Be A Friend A Friend Would Like To Have

"What were you thinking?"

"I have needs, you know," Maura replies.

"I don't even want to hear it."

"Why are you treating me like a child?"

"Maybe, because you're acting like a horny teenager."

"That is my prerogative," Maura points out.

"What is going on with you, lately? You haven't been yourself."

"I'm pregnant," Maura reminds her.

"Even before that."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do," Jane argues.

"Whatever it is that you think you know..."

"You're in love with my brother," Jane accuses.

"I am not," Maura argues.

"Really?"

"I'm not," Maura maintains.

"Then tell me how you got pregnant."

"Well..."

"No, I don't need a lesson on anatomy, or physics. Maura I just want an answer. Are you in love with my brother?"

She shrugs, "I don't know."

"How did you wind up pregnant? You are a grown woman, you are a doctor, on top of that. How did you wind up pregnant? An unplanned pregnancy, I don't buy it."

"Are you implying that I got pregnant, on purpose?"

"Maybe," Jane folds her arms across her chest.

"You need to leave. I cannot even begin to believe that you would think I could do something like that."

"There are a lot of things I never thought that you could do, Maura."

"Like what?"

"Betray my trust."

"Jane..."

"No, I'm done with this conversation. I'm done with this whole ordeal. Next time you need something, don't call me," Jane storms out of the house.

She finds herself at a familiar bar. She barely notices when someone slides in the booth, across the table from her.

"What are you doing here?" he asks.

"Drowning my sorrows," she replies, holding up her beer.

"Jane, what is going on?" Frost inquires.

"Nothing. I don't want to talk about it."

"Is there something going on, between you, and Maura?"

"What makes you think that?"

"The two of you seem..." he struggles for the right words.

"At odds," Jane supplies an answer.

"Exactly. You wanna tell me why?"

"No."

"Jane I'm your partner. It would be beneficial to our relationship, if you opened up to me sometimes."

"I am not allowed to tell anyone what's going on."

"Ok. Can you give me something to go on?"

"I specifically asked her not to do something, and she did it anyway."

"She betrayed your trust? Now you're questioning her loyalty," he guesses, knowing his partner well.

"Yes," she nods.

"Can I make an observation, without you interrupting me?"

"Yes."

"You and Maura have always been an unlikely pair of friends. You are both from different worlds. It is only natural that you two argue, and have disagreements. But, what unites you, is what the two of you have in common."

"Maura and I have nothing in common," Jane mutters.

"You both try to speak for victims, who cannot speak for themselves, and bring their murderers to justice. Even if the two of you hate each other, you have to put it aside to work together."

"Is this where you give your advice on how to handle the situation?"

"I don't have to give you any advice, things will work themselves out."

"What makes you think that?"

"If someone to were to ask one of you, why you're such good friends, neither of you could answer."

"You can?" Jane guesses.

"You both for the same qualities in people. Loyalty, and trustworthiness."

"Maura is not loyal."

"What did she do to you?"

The waitress delivers Frost's drink, and another for Jane. She swallows her beer, and sits, and stews, on the question, for a moment.

"She slept with my brother," she grits her teeth.

"And that is your business, why?"

"I specifically told her not to."

"Because he's your brother, and she's your best friend?"

"Because I know my brother, and I know Maura. I just didn't want Maura to get hurt, which is exactly what has happened."

"May I make a suggestion, now?" Frost asks.

"I suppose."

"Instead of being angry at her, when she's angry at herself, why don't you just try to be her friend? That's what friend's do."

"What is?"

"They support their friends, even when they are completely wrong."

"But..."

"Does she need your support?"

"Yes," Jane admits.

"And you're really angry at your brother, not her," Frost continues.

"Yes."

"And you are afraid to take a side, because one of them is your blood, and one is your best friend?" he guesses.

"Yes," Jane confirms.

"Family is forever, Jane," Frost points out.

"I hate that you are such a know-it-all."

"You'll thank me, one day."

"I can admit, it does come in handy, on occasion, but mostly, it's just annoying."

Frost smiles, revealing his dimples, and his bright, white smile. "Come on, I think it's time for you to go home."

"Why?"

"You've had too much to drink," he insists.

"I have not. What makes you think that?"

"You just complimented me," he reminds her.

"You're right, I should get home, before I do, or say, anything stupid."


	13. Sucked Back In

Maura, Jane, and Barry stand around the autopsy table. Jane's focus alternates between the body, Maura, and her partner. Her partner remains calm, and for once he maintains his composure. She watches Maura's gloved hand, as she points to the victim's arm. Frost's voice interrupts her concentration. She realizes that Maura has abruptly stopped talking.

"Doctor Isles, are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine," she lies.

Jane ignores her. Frost follows his partner's cues. They gently move Maura to a stool, nearby. She peels her gloves off, and looks at the both of them.

"I'm fine," she argues.

"You looked like you were about to pass out. Are you sick? Maybe you should go home," Frost studies Maura, in great concern.

"I think I just need to eat something. I'll be fine," Maura answers.

"Frost, can you go grab Maura a sandwich?"

Frost nods, at his partner, and leaves the room. Maura attempts to avoid eye contact. Jane studies Maura. Finally Maura's eyes drift to Jane's face. She quickly notices the stern look on Jane's face.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Maura, don't lie to me."

"You have barely talked to me in a month. What do you expect from me?"

"I was trying to give you some time, to figure out, whatever it was that you needed to figure out.

"Did it ever occur to you, that I might have just needed a friend?"

"Yes."

"But?"

"I needed time to get over my anger."

"Anger? Why are you angry?"

"I'm not angry, anymore. Now, will you please tell me, what is going on?"

"It's not the end of the world," Maura begins.

"Just tell me what it is."

"I am iron deficient."

"That's why you went all pale, up there?"

"It's brought on by the..." she begins.

Jane cuts her off, before she goes into full doctor mode, "I know what it is. What can I do, to help?"

"Nothing."

"Why don't I take you out to dinner?"

"Ok," Maura agrees.

"How are things, at home?"

"Your mother is..."

"Overbearing? Clingy? Annoying? Like a black helicopter?" Jane supplies a list of choices.

"Sweet," Maura replies.

"Sweet? My mother is sweet?"

"And supportive," by the tone of her voice, Jane can read the subtext of; unlike you.

"How are you and Tommy getting along?"

"Just fine, he doesn't speak to me, and, I don't mind."

"Maura that is not a solution."

"Why do you have to be critical of everything that I do?"

"Because I'm trying to look out for you."

"Why do you even care."

"Because you are my best friend."

"I am your only friend," Maura reminds her, with words that sting.

"And I hate to see you hurt."

"I will be fine."

"Maura... how did this happen?"

"What?"

"All of it."

"Which part?"

"How did you end up with Tommy?"

Maura shrugs, "He's charming."

"Maura... you're having his baby," Jane reminds her, "Was it really an accident?"

Maura's eyes fall to the floor, "No." Jane stares at the top of Maura's head. Maura's gaze remains fixed on the floor.

"No?" Jane repeats Maura's answer back to her.

"No."

"It was intentional?"

"No...yes..."

"Yes, or no, which is it?"

"Both, neither."

"Maura, explain it to me."

"You won't understand."

"I will try."

"Your brother is very charming."

"I am aware."

"I allowed myself to be charmed. He has a great smile, and..."

"You got sucked in, I can understand that."

"Before I knew it, we were..."

"Undressing each other, with more than your eyes?"

"Yes. I got caught up in the moment..."

"I have never known you to get caught up in the moment. You are calculating. You think through everything that you do."

"You're right, I do."

"So you chose to have unprotected sex?"

"Statistically speaking the chances of..."

Jane cuts her off, "The statistics were not in your favor, or maybe they were, I don't know. I have no idea what was going through your head."

"It was irrational."

"What was?"

"For a moment, I thought about what it would be like."

"What, what would be like?"

"Having a child, his child. I naively thought that I could be part of a family, or at least my child could. I thought, to myself that if I were to have a child with him, it would be part of a family. One like, the one I never had growing up. It was stupid. I didn't think it through. I allowed my hormones to do the thinking. I..."

"You want to be part of a family? You could be a part of any family, and you chose mine? Why?"

"Because they are the family that I always dreamed of."

"In each other's business, over bearing, loud, obnoxious..." Jane rattles off.

"Caring, honest, hardworking."

"Maura, you made a mistake."

"I know, but I can't take it back."

"You could, if you wanted to."

"But I don't."

"Maura, you're already part of the family, you didn't have to get pregnant with my brother's baby, to accomplish that. My mother already adopted you as one of her own."

"I'm sorry."

"Can I ask you something else?"

"What?"

"Why Tommy?"

"What?" Maura finally raises her head, to look at Jane.

"Why Tommy?"

"What do you mean, why Tommy?"


	14. Man Up

Frankie slides onto the stool, next to his brother, at the bar. Tommy stares at the big screen, in the corner of the bar. He ignores Frankie, his eyes remain fixated on the television. Frankie elbows him. Finally Tommy turns, to look at him.

"What?" Tommy questions, taking a drink of his beer.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Can't you see I'm trying to watch the game?" Tommy responds.

"Can you give me a minute of your time, I mean it is a commercial," Frankie points out.

Tommy rolls his eyes, "Fine, what do you want?"

"Do you know that Maura is pregnant?"

"No, I had no idea," Tommy replies sarcastically.

"I didn't know, you..."

"Frankie, it's pretty obvious, I mean she's like five months along."

"I just found out a few weeks ago," Frankie reveals.

Tommy shakes his head, "And you're a detective."

"Anyway, I wanted to ask you what's going on there."

"How would I know?"

"You live with her."

"No, I don't."

"You live in her guest house."

"So?"

"Whose the father?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"Because they're all acting so weird."

"Who?"

"Maura, and Ma, and Jane. They act like it is some big secret."

"Oh."

"One that they won't let me on in. Jane just said that I should talk to you."

"I don't know why."

"Do you know who the father is? Maura is being pretty tight lipped. I'm not sure she's told anyone other than Jane, and maybe Ma."

"They know."

"Did she use a sperm bank, or something? Is that why she's keeping it on the down low?"

"No."

"So, what's the deal?"

"I don't know, can I get back to the game?"

"Fine, whatever."

Frankie watches his brother, closely as he watches the game. He runs through a series of recent events, in his head. A light bulb goes off in his head.

"How is the apartment hunt going?" Frankie asks innocently.

"Good."

"You found anywhere decent yet?"

"Yeah, but none of them are in my price range."

"Why are you so anxious to get out of Maura's? I mean you've got a pretty sweet deal there."

"When was the last time you lived with ma?"

"Tommy?"

"What?" Tommy focuses on the TV.

"Are you the father?"

Tommy freezes.

"Are you?" Frankie wonders.

Tommy turns from the T.V., "What makes you think that?"

"You don't talk to Maura anymore. You don't even show up, when ma makes dinner, at her place. I mean, it's obvious to me, that something is going on."

"Oh, really?"

"Tommy, are you?"

"What does it matter?"

"I just want to know. I would appreciate it, if you would answer my question."

"I am not anyone's father," Tommy responds.

"Ok, fine."

"Are we done?"

"No, we are not done, Tommy."

"Frankie just give it a rest. Get off your high horse."

"Did you knock her up, or not?"

"Frankie shut up!"

"Just answer me."

"Yes," Tommy grits his teeth.

"Why is that so hard for you to admit?"

"Because I didn't ask for this. I don't want this. I never wanted this. I do not want to be anyone's father. I am not the kind of person, the kind of man, that anyone would want as their child's role model."

"So, what? You're just going to walk away?"

"Yes."

"That's your kid. She's having your kid."

"No, she's having her kid."

"She didn't make that baby, on her own."

"No, but she's the one who is choosing to have it. I didn't make that choice. I didn't get a choice in it. Nobody asked for my opinion. I do not want a baby."

"But, you're having one," Frankie points out.

"No, Maura is. I'm not. I do not want any part of it."

"How can you be so cold? That is your child? Your own flesh and blood."

"If it's such a big deal, why don't you play daddy?"

"Because I'm not the one who made that baby."

"Let it go."

"No, I am not going to let it go."

"Why not?"

"Because for once in your life, you need to take responsibility for your actions. For once you need to own up to your mistakes."

"No," he shakes his head.

"I'm not asking Tommy, I'm telling."

"Are you going to make me?"

"If I have to. I shouldn't have to, though."

"How are you going to make me?"

"I don't know, but if that's what I have to do, that's what I'll do."

"Mind your own, Frankie."

"What is your problem? Are you afraid that Maura is going to tell you no?"

"No," Tommy shakes his head.

"Then what are you so afraid of?"

"Who said I was afraid of anything?"

"The look in your eyes."

"What? Dude, grow a pair, and stop analyzing the look in my eyes. What the hell kind of a man says that."

"A man who knows his brother. A man who knows a guilty, scared, confused look, on his brother, when he sees one."

"Leave me alone."

"What are you so afraid of?"

Tommy shakes his head, "It's stupid."

"Tell me anyway."

"That if I do this, which I don't want to, but if I did... I'm afraid that I'll screw this up, just like I screw everything else up. I don't want to screw up my kid's life."s


	15. Just Not Right

Jane knocks on the door. "Come in," calls a familiar voice.

Jane enters Maura's house. She finds her mother, standing in the kitchen, next to the stove, with a dish towel over her shoulder.

"What are you making?"

"Dinner," Angela answers, as captain obvious.

"I know ma, what are you making for dinner?"

"Chicken."

"Have you seen Maura?"

"No, why?"

"Her car is in the garage."

"How would you know?" Angela probes.

"I looked inside the garage."

"Why?"

"Because she left early today. She left without saying anything to me. I thought maybe something was wrong."

"I haven't seen her. I just assumed that she was at work. Have you tried calling her?"

"Yes, she won't answer."

"Maybe she..."

"She what? She's been kidnapped?"

"Don't be silly."

"Do you think that she's here?"

"Maybe, it's a big house. Maybe she's in her room. You should go look," Angela responds.

"Of all the times you've been nosey in your life, the one time I need you to be, you're not."

"Sorry," she returns to the dinner she's cooking.

Jane takes off for the staircase. She climbs the stairs. She heads down the hallway, to Maura's room. She stops when she reaches the door. The door is partially open. She knocks on the door.

"Maura, are you in there," she calls out.

"Go away," a voice answers.

"Are you avoiding me?"

"Maybe."

"Maura, I'm coming in," Jane warns.

"Whatever."

"Are you decent? I..."

"Yes," Maura sighs.

Jane pushes the door open, and steps into the room. She finds Maura sitting on the floor, with a book in her lap. She leans up against the foot of the bed.

"It's a good thing I'm here," Jane begins.

"And why is that?"

"You'll never be able to get up from there, on your own."

"I didn't think about that."

"What are you doing?"

"Working," Maura answers.

"On what?"

"A scrapbook."

"Since when do you scrapbook?" Jane wonders, as she stares at the piles of paper, pictures, stickers, and scissors, on the floor, surrounding Maura.

"I just started, today."

"I see. This is why you left early?"

"Among other things," Maura reveals.

"Among what other things? What other things?"

"Never mind."

"You left work early to scrapbook? What would possess you to do that? I mean you have work to do."

"Maybe this is more important."

"Making a scrapbook is more important, than solving murders? In what world?"

"What are you doing here?"

"You never leave work early, I was concerned about you."

"I'm fine."

"Then why did you really leave work early, today?"

"Because I had an appointment."

"An appointment, what kind of appointment? You had your teeth cleaned last week."

"Gee, I don't know," Maura rolls her eyes, and gestures to her stomach.

"Oh, right. I forget that you're pregnant, sometimes."

"How? I the size of a house."

"You're delusional. You're barely showing."

"Why are you here? When are you leaving?"

"Why are you so irritable, today?"

"I'm pregnant, what is your excuse?"

"Maura are you going to tell me what's going on, or not? Did Tommy do something to upset you?"

"No."

"Ok, so how was your appointment."

"It was fine."

"Fine? Then why are you using that tone of voice?"

"What tone of voice?"

"The one you use when things are not fine, but you want to pretend that they are, anyway."

"It was fine. Just a bunch of routine stuff."

"Now I know that something is wrong."

"How?"

"Because you just used the term 'routine stuff'. If everything were fine you would tell me exactly what tests they did, and how they are preformed, and how long they take, etcetera."

"I would not."

"You love boring me to death with details."

"I found out what the baby is going to be."

"Are you going to tell me?"

"Do you really think that I can keep it to myself?"

"Wait, if you know what it is, then why haven't you told my mother?"

"What makes you assume that I haven't?"

"If you had the first thing she would have asked when I walked through the door would be, 'Jane, did you hear the news, I'm going to have a grand-fill-in-the-blank.'"

"I didn't tell her."

"Why not?"

"She wasn't here, when I got home. Besides, I just wanted to be alone."

"Why?"

"No reason."

"Liar."

"You're going to have a niece," Maura informs her.


	16. A Little Extra

"That's nice, now what's wrong?"

"Did you hear me? I just told you that you're going to have a niece."

"Yeah, that's nice."

"It's a girl."

"Ok. Now tell me what's wrong?"

"Aren't you excited?"

"My best friend, is going to have my brother's daughter, yes that just excites the hell out of me. Maura, come on. What's wrong?"

"Why are you badgering me?"

"Because you're not acting like yourself."

"You came home early from work, which you never do. Then you started scrap-booking, which is completely ridiculous."

"I am making a scrapbook for the baby."

"For the baby, or for you?"

"Jane, please, go."

"Why?"

"I just want to be left alone right now."

"I will leave you alone, the second that you tell me what's wrong."

"No, you won't. You shouldn't make promises that you can't keep."

"Who says that I can't?"

"I do."

"Just tell me!"

"After my amniocentesis the doctor has determined that the baby..."

"That the baby what?"

"That she has down syndrome."

Jane doesn't say anything. She just stares at Maura, in silence.

"I keep going through all the possible complications in my head, and..."

"You're going to go crazy, if you think of all the things that can go wrong."

"Why is everything turning out wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"I made the wrong decision, with your brother, and now..."

"Maura just stop. Everything is going to be fine."

"No, everything is not going to be fine. I am having a child, who I am going to have to take care of, for the rest of it's life."

Jane becomes suddenly aware of the eyes watching her. She looks at Maura, who stares at her stomach. Silently Jane gets up, of her spot on the floor. Maura looks up, and finds Angela standing in the doorway. Jane walks past her, without a word. Angela enters the room, and takes a seat, next to Maura.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough. I am sorry, I didn't mean to invade your privacy, but when Jane didn't come back down after a while, I got concerned."

"It's ok," Maura tells her, on the verge of tears.

"Maura?"

"Huh?"

"Any good mother takes care of her child, beyond the age of eighteen. My children are grown, and I am still mothering them. It is just a part of motherhood."

"I didn't ask for this."

"No one does. What is wrong with the baby?"

"It has down syndrome."

"I see, so what are you going to do?"

"What do you mean, what am I going to do? There is nothing I can do. I made the commitment to do this, and it's too late to turn back."

"I am not questioning whether or not you are going to keep the baby.""Then what are you asking me?"

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

"If you place limitations on your child, that is all they will ever have, limits. If you give your child the opportunity to do anything that they want, be anyone that they want to be, then they will exceed your expectations, two times out of three."

"I don't understand."

"If you write this child off, now, because it is going to be different, you might as well throw in the towel now."

"I don't know how to take care of a child with special needs."

"Maura, I hate to tell you this, but all children have special needs. Jane had to sleep with her blankie until she was through college. Frankie had to have his socks folded, in half length-ways, until... he was twenty two. And Tommy, he still doesn't eat crust. Every child has something special about them. If you make it a negative, it will be. If you use it as an opportunity, then that is what it will be."

"An opportunity to what?"

"To grow, to learn things about yourself, that you never knew."

"But..."

"No, there are no buts. You have the resources to give this child every chance to succeed, to reach it's potential. It's not going to be easy, motherhood never is. You will have to fight for you child, to be treated as a normal human being. You will have to push your child, when they are discouraged, and don't want to go any further. You will have to let your child do things on their own, that you are afraid to let them do. Every mother has to."

"What if..."

"What if you take each day as it comes? What if you love your child unconditionally? What if you give your child every chance, that you possibly can? What if you do, and your child exceeds your expectations? If you treat someone like they have a disability then they do. If you treat someone as if they have the ability to do the things that everyone else does, just in their own way, then they will."

"I'm scared," Maura admits, as the tears begin to roll.

Angela hugs her, "I know."

"I can't do this on my own."

"You're not alone Maura," Angela reminds her.

"What if I can't do this?"

"What if, you eliminate that word from your vocabulary?"

"I don't know if I..."

"Don't borrow trouble," Angela suggests.

"Ok," Maura agrees.

"I have found that things never work out the way that you planned; and if you see it through, you'll find out why. Sometimes, your plan, is not the best one."

Maura lets go of her. She wipes her tears away, with the palm of her hand.

"She's going to be so lucky to have you in her life."

"She?" Angela raises an eyebrow.

"Yes," Maura nods, "your granddaughter."


	17. Love?

She stares at the clock on the wall. She listens to the hands of time tick. She lies in bed, in the dark, trying not to think about reality. She tries not to feel alone. Physically, she's not, but she feels completely alone. More alone, in the world, than ever before. She staves off the thoughts of what could be, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

He swallows another drinking. He stares at the TV, in the corner of the bar. He ignores the people around him. He tries not to think about the situation at hand. He stare into his nearly empty glass, and realizes that it's the only thing he can think about. A pretty girl sits down next to him, at the bar. She begins to speak, but he doesn't hear a word that she says. He shakes his head, and moves to another seat. He finds himself alone, in a booth, staring up at the TV, avoiding the whole world.

She tosses, and turns. She feels the anxiety consuming her. She rolls onto her side, and a kick reminds her that she's still not alone. A reminder that she's never going to be alone again, for as long she's alive. She stares at the wall, unable to sleep. Her hand floats to her stomach. It lands on top of her silk pajama shirt.

He's so far in that he doesn't notice what's going on around him. He doesn't notice the woman storm into the bar. He doesn't notice her harass the bartender. He doesn't notice her, until she's standing at the end of his table, staring down at him.

"What are you doing, here?"

"Jane? I could ask you the same."

"I am here to get you."

"Get me? I'm not a kid anymore."

"No, but you've got one on the way, and you need to come home."

"I'll come home, when I'm ready."

"No, you're going home now."

"I'm not done."

"Tommy don't make me call mom."

"You're not the boss of me."

"Tommy so help me, I will call ma, and have her drag your ass out of this bar, herself. I don't think that either one of us wants that, but I'm willing to..."

"Why are you so angry?"

"I'm angry because you're acting like a deadbeat."

"I'm not a deadbeat."

"You are the definition of a deadbeat. You need to get your crap together. Get a job, be a man, be a father."

"I don't want any of that."

"Are you ever going to grow up?"

"Jane stop putting your nose where it doesn't belong."

"I would, if you would do what you're supposed to."

"What are you talking about?"

"Maura needs..."

"Don't finish that sentence. I don't want to hear anymore about what Maura needs. I need a break. I need time to clear my head. I need time to figure things out."

"You don't have time."

"Jane, just leave me alone, please."

Jane pulls out a picture. She slaps it down on the table, in front of Tommy. "Never mind what Maura needs. That," she points, "is your daughter, and she is going to need you. She is going to need all the love that she can get. Her mother is going to need all the support she can get."

"Maura's got you, and Ma. She doesn't need me."

"That's not true. Even if it were, your daughter is going to need you."

"I do not want to be anyone's father."

Jane shakes her head. She slides into the booth, on the opposite side of the table. She stares at her brother, and his empty glasses.

"Drowning your sorrows is not going to change anything. It is not going to fix anything. I do not know what your problem is, but whether you like it, or not, soon your child is going to come into this world. She's going to need extra love. She's going to need you. Maura is not going to be able to do this on her own."

"I didn't sign up for this. I never expected her to get knocked up. I never expected her to..."

"To what?"

"Nothing. I just never expected any of this."

"No one did."

"Why are you here?"

"To tell you that..."

"That what?"

"Maura needs you, even if she won't say it. Even if she can't say it, she does."

"How do you know that?"

"I'm her best friend, and she's going through a lot right now."

"She's having a baby. She should be happy."

"Life is not that simple, Tommy. You're the father, you're being a jack ass, and the baby..."

For the first time he makes eye contact. "What about the baby?"

"She has..."

"Has what? Is there something wrong with her?"

"She has down syndrome."

"How do you know that?"

"Maura just told me."

"When did she find out?"

"Earlier today, I guess."

"So what does that mean? Does it mean she's not having her?"

"No, that isn't what it means."

"Oh."

"Tommy, please go home."

"I..."

"Get yourself a cab, and go home," Jane hands him some money.

He hands it back to her, "I don't need that."

"Don't make me arrest you."

"I have cab fare."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Night."

"Night."

She hears footsteps coming up the stairs. She lies perfectly still. She pretends to be asleep. She barely breathes, as the footsteps enter the room.

He walks around the end of her bed. He stops in front of her. He pushes the hair out her of her face, as she sleeps. He bends down, and kisses her forehead. He steps back, and walks away. He pauses for a moment, in the doorway, to have one last look.

She freezes. Her heart nearly stops. The whisper so soft, that she nearly misses it.

"I love you," it tells her.


	18. Awkward Silences

Maura, and Angela are both at work, already. He sneaks into the house, and stops at the fridge. He stares at the pictures that hang on the door. Black and white images. He stares at a tiny face. A tiny body. A little girl. His little girl. He stands and stares for a minute. He grabs out a bottle of water, and leaves the house.

Weeks pass. Weeks turn into months. Tommy comes home late one night, and finds that Maura is sitting on the couch, watching TV. He quietly heads into the kitchen. She hears him open the fridge. She looks over at him.

"Sorry didn't mean to disturb you. I was just getting something to drink."

"It's ok. I wasn't asleep."

"I'll just..."

"It's ok. You can't walk around on eggshells all the time," she tells him.

"What are you watching?"

"Home shopping network. There is nothing on this late at night."

"What are you doing up so late? Don't you have work in the morning?"

"Yes, I do."

"It's like three o'clock in the morning, shouldn't you be heading to bed."

"I can't sleep."

"Something on your mind?" He questions from beside the couch.

"Always, but that isn't why I'm not asleep."

"Why aren't you asleep."

"She's not asleep. She keeps kicking me. She's a night owl, I guess. And, I have terrible heartburn, so I can't sleep. I can't get comfortable, no matter how hard I try. I gave up on sleep a few hours ago."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"You probably just want her out at this point, don't you."

"I'm ready for her. She's not ready to come out yet, though. She's got another six weeks."

"Right," he nods.

He studies her. Her pajamas cling to her incredibly round stomach. He makes certain not to look at her face, so that she can't read what's on his mind.

"Something you want to ask?" Maura wonders.

"Um... so are you having a c-section?"

"No, why would you think that?"

"I just figured with your work schedule, that it would be more convenient."

"I am not going to schedule her arrival to fit my work schedule."

"Shouldn't they do one, with all of the health concerns?"

"It's a possibility. If she reacts poorly to labor, then I'll have c-section. I just don't want to have one, if I don't have to. It's a longer recovery time, and I don't have that kind of time."

"Because you have to get back to work."

She shakes her head, "Because I'll be doing it on my own."

"You'll have help. I'm sure that ma will help you."

"Right," Maura agrees, coldly.

"I should get to bed."

"Yeah," she nods.

He heads out the door, towards the guest house.

The following evening when she arrives home she finds that the house smells of paint. Angela comes in the door right behind her. She looks at Angela, and furrows her brow.

"Why does it smell like paint? Did you paint something, today?"

"No, I've been at work all day, Maura. Didn't you say that you were hiring someone to paint the nursery?"

"I did, but he isn't coming until next week."

"Where is it coming from?" Angela inquires.

Maura shrugs. Angela follows the smell down the hall. Maura follows Angela. They stop when they reach the nursery. Angela flips on the light switch. They notice box fans blowing, to help dry the paint. On the wall opposite of the door is a mural in pastel colors. It's of a sleepy crescent moon. Around the moon it reads, _Sleep In Heavenly Peace..._. The other walls are painted in a purple-ish blue tone.

"It's beautiful. Very calming," Angela remarks.

"Who did it?" Maura questions.

Angela shrugs, "Jane must have done it. Or maybe she hired someone to do it."

"I guess I'll have to call and cancel the contractor."

"Yeah," Angela agrees.

"And I guess it's time to get some furniture in here," Maura adds.

"She's got a closet overflowing with clothes, I think it's time for some dressers."

"Yeah," Maura agrees.

"Did you pick a name yet?" Angela wonders.

"No," Maura shakes her head.

The following evening, Maura is getting ready for bed. She finds herself standing in the doorway of the nursery. She flips on the light, and stares at the room. She steps inside. On the wall that the door is on, there is fresh paint. In the center of the wall it simply reads; _Hope, Faith, Love. _Hope sits at the top, with faith in the middle, and love on the bottom.

Maura flips off the light, and heads to bed. The following afternoon she comes home early, to be there when the furniture arrives. The movers have just finished when Jane comes over for lunch.

"Maura," she calls out, "where are you?"

"In here," she calls out.

"Where is here?"

"The nursery," she responds.

Jane puts the take out bags in the kitchen, on the island, and follows Maura's voice into the nursery. Jane finds Maura folding baby clothes, and putting them into drawers. She stops, and stands in the doorway.

"It's beautiful."

"When did you find to do this?"

"I didn't," she answers.

"You didn't?"

Jane shakes her head, "No."

"Sure, you didn't."

"It looks nearly complete."

"Nearly? What's missing? I've got everything. A crib, a changing table, rocking chair, dresser, clothes, blankets, bottles, pacifiers, towels, toiletries, linens. I need a stroller, and a..."

"A car seat. We've got it covered."

"We, who?"

"Don't worry about it. It should be here tomorrow."

"So what's missing?"

Jane smiles. She steps into the room. She stops when she reaches Maura. She points at her stomach, "Her, that's the only thing missing."

"Don't rush her," Maura warns.

"Don't worry, if she's anything like a Rizzoli, she'll take her time."


	19. Past Due

8 weeks later:

Jane stops over, at Maura's on the way to work. She finds Maura sitting at the island, in the kitchen, eating yogurt, reading the newspaper, dressed in work attire.

"You're kidding me right? I thought that you were going to stop working. You were due two weeks ago. You can barely walk."

"I'm fine."

"You are not fine. You stopped wearing heels a month ago."

"My feet are swollen."

"You are not going to work today."

"What's the big deal? I'm on desk duty. I can't really do anything. I'm just trying to get caught up on all my paperwork before the baby gets here."

"Any word?"

"If I don't go into labor within the next two days the doctor is going to induce."

"So that he doesn't have to miss his weekend golf outing?"

"Jane!"

"What? You know that it's true. How were all of your tests?"

"Everything is fine."

"Are they concerned that it might..."

"They are monitoring her closely. Her heart seems to be doing fine."

"Any contractions?"

"None."

"Isn't that unusual?"

"Like you said, she'll take her time."

"I guess, but I think that she's overstayed her welcome, in there, don't you?"

"You just want to get to squeeze her."

"Of course I do. And spoil her, because I'm her auntie, and I get to spoil her."

"I guess."

"So have you seen your baby daddy, lately?"

"Your brother?"

"Yeah, I guess you could call him that," Jane responds.

"I have not."

"Have you seen him?"

"I see him, coming and going, occasionally."

"Where does he go?" Jane wonders.

Maura shrugs, "He doesn't tell, and I don't ask."

"Does ma, know?"

"She just tells him that she's going out."

"Where is Ma?"

"I don't know," Maura admits.

"She's usually wherever you are, hovering."

"I haven't see her, this morning."

"That's strange."

As if on cue Angela walks through the door. She carries a blanket with her.

"Sorry," she apologizes, "I didn't make you breakfast this morning."

"I can manage alright, on my own."

"No you can't," Angela disagrees, "you're eating yogurt, again."

"It's what I like," Maura admits.

"I swear, my granddaughter is going to come out a blob of yogurt, with a face."

"What's that, ma?" Jane asks.

"It's a blanket I made for the baby, who still does not have a name."

"You made that?" Maura questions.

"Yes."

"It's beautiful," Maura comments, as Angela hands it to her.

"Why don't you ever make me anything?" Jane wonders.

"You're jealous?"

"You've never made me a quilt. I didn't even know that you could quilt."

"A baby quilt is much simpler than a full size quilt, Jane. When you have a baby, I'll make it one, too."

"Yeah, I'll get right on making one of those," Jane replies sarcastically.

"Exactly," Angela replies.

Maura checks her watch.

"Hot date?" Jane asks.

"No, I'm just checking the time," Maura replies.

"Oh," Jane comments.

"I came up with a name for the baby," Angela begins.

"Oh, here we go again," Jane groans.

Maura smirks.

"Addison Rose," Angela beams.

"No," Jane vetoes.

"No? It's not your baby. You don't get a vote. It's a pretty name," Angela argues.

"It is a pretty name, Angela," Maura agrees.

"Is that a no from you too?" Angela wonders.

"I'll know it when I see her."

"You know I had the craziest dream last night," Angela begins.

"About what?" Jane wonders.

"I dreamt that the baby was born with blonde hair, and you named her Isabella."

"Another name suggestion?" Jane raises her eyebrows.

"It is a nice Italian name."

"It is highly unlikely that she will have blonde hair. Blond hair does not run in your family, and my natural hair color is not this light," Maura admits.

"She's going to have jet black hair, and a lot of it," Jane guesses.

"No she won't, she'll probably be bald," Angela argues.

"Why do you say that?" Jane inquires

"All three of you were born bald."

"I blame dad," Jane adds.

Maura checks her watch.

"Maura why do you keep checking your watch? You're not going to be late for work," Jane probes.

"No reason."

Angela studies Maura's face. Jane doesn't notice. Angela elbows Jane in the side, whose head rests on her fists. Her elbows rest on the island.

"Ma! What was that for?"

"She's having contractions."

"What are you talking about? No she's not. She told me that she hadn't had any, when I got here."

"She lied," Angela replies.

Jane stares at Maura, "You lied? Are you having contractions?"

"Yes."

"And you were going to try to go to work?"

"They were pretty far apart."

"Those were not," Jane points out.

"Now they're getting a lot closer together."

"Well, then let's go!" Jane insists.


	20. Cold

Six hours later: Jane stands in the waiting room, making the twenty seventh call of the day, to her brother. Finally she gets a person, instead of voicemail.

"Jane why are you calling me?"

"Where are you?"

"It's the middle of the day. I'm at work. What do you want?"

"Don't you check your voicemail?"

"No. I don't have time. What do you want?"

"Are you going to come down here?"

"Down where?"

"To the hospital?"

"Why?"

"To meet your daughter."

"No."

"You have got to be kidding me. You already missed the birth. You wouldn't answer your phone, and you're not even going to come and see her? Tommy that's cold."

"Jane, Maura doesn't want me to have anything to do with the baby."

"She has never once told you that. You decided that on your own."

"I've got to work. I'll talk to you later."

"Aren't you even going to ask how she's doing?"

"It's not my problem," he replies coldly.

"She's doing fine, by the way. Eight pounds, two ounces."

"That's nice. I've got to go, I'm working here," he hangs up.

It's after midnight when they all get to sleep that night. Maura sleeps soundly in her hospital bed. Jane sits in a chair, and Angela lies on the half sized couch in the room. Frankie has gone home for the night.

None of them hear Tommy tiptoe into the room. He makes his way over to the basinet, that sits next to the bed. The baby sleeps inside. He stares at the name placard on the foot of the basinet. _Hope Paxton Isles_; is the name that is written. His eyes move up to the baby inside. A little girl is nestled inside, sleeping soundly. He stares at her for a moment. The face of an angel, with a pink cap on her head. He looks at her.

"Don't cry," he whispers, as he reaches for her. He lifts her out of the basinet. He holds her in his arms. He studies her carefully. She continues to sleep, undisturbed. He pulls off her cap, and finds a surprise. A head full of red hair. He replaces the cap, and just holds her.

"Sorry I wasn't here earlier. I'm sure that you'll understand, later. I know that no one else does. Look, I'm sorry for everything. And despite what anyone says, I love you. I just... I'm no good for you," he tells her.

Her eyes pop open. Big slate blue eyes stare up at him. He smiles.

"Hi, baby girl. Nice to finally meet you. I've got to get going, so I don't get caught. Ok?" He kisses her on the cheek, and places her back inside the basinet. As he turns to leave, the set of eyes that have been watching him the entire time close. He leaves the room.

He turns around, when he feels eyes watching him, and hears footsteps following him. He turns around, and finds his sister.

"What are you doing?" he wonders.

"What are you doing?" she counters.

"I came to see my kid."

"You're the one that painted her room, aren't you?"

"Maybe," he shrugs.

"Hope, Faith, and Love? Your way of subtly throwing out name suggestions?"

"Maybe," he shrugs.

"If you don't want any part of her life, why are you here?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Make me understand."

"I can't."

"Try."

"I'm never going to be a good father, but I'm not a bad person. I'm not that cold. I do love her, even if I can't be a father to her."

"You are the only one who thinks that."

"No, I'm not. Everyone of you has already written me off. Everyone of you already expects me to fail."

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is. I'm just Tommy, the screw up."

"No, you're not."

"Really, what am I, then?"

"Tommy, Hope's father."

"I don't want to be a father."

"You are, whether you want to be, or not."

"But I can't be."Why not?"

"I..."

"Tommy just tell me why not."

"I love her. I don't want to spend the rest of my life loving someone, who is never going to love me back."

"She's your..." Jane trails off, as she makes a realization. "You're not talking about Hope. That's what this is about? You're in love with Maura?"

"Why would I say all of those terrible things to her?"

"To push her away."

"Thing between us would never work."

"So you ended them before they had a chance?"

"Please, don't tell her I came. Just let me go. Let it go."

"I won't cover for you, anymore."

"I just asking for this once," he begs.

"Whatever," she rolls her eyes, as she heads back into the room.

Three Days Later:

Jane sits, and watches, as Maura packs her things, to leave the hospital. She zips her bag, and places it on the floor. Jane notices the look of exhaustion on Maura's face. She shakes her head, thinking about how far Maura has come, since they met.

Maura runs through the mental list in her head. She ignores the fact that Jane is staring at her awkwardly. Any other time she would call her on it, but today, she was pretty certain why the detective was staring. Her attire, far from the norm. A pair of lounge pants, a t-shirt, and a light jacket. Instead of heels, or even flats she sports a pair of sneakers. Attire, she usually only wears, to the gym. It is an outfit she had thrown in her bag as an afterthought, just in case. She pulls a hair-tie off her wrist, and pulls her hair back off her unmade face.

Jane stares at Maura's face, for a moment. She doesn't wear a trace of makeup, unless chapstick can be considered make-up. Jane realizes that Maura looks like an exhausted, new mom.


	21. Deadbeat

Jane stops in the doorway of the nursery. She finds a pajama-clad Maura, sitting in a rocking chair, with the sleeping newborn. She sits next to the lamp, just staring at the little girl, in awe. Jane clears her throat, and Maura looks up, briefly.

"I'm getting ready to go home, are you going to be ok?"

"Jane. I will be fine. I can handle this. I appreciate everything that you've done for me, but... I'll be fine."

"And if you're not my mother will be the first to alert the media."

"You haven't slept in days, go home," Maura insists.

"Neither have you."

"I am fine," Maura promises.

"Are you sure? I mean it has to be scary, being by yourself, with a new baby."

"I'm not alone. I'm never alone."

"I told you not to let her move in here."

"It's fine. It's a good thing, she's here if I need her."

"Are you sure that you're going to be ok? It's your first night home with her, and I don't mind staying. She is my niece. I don't mind getting up with her."

"Jane, go home."

"You want to be alone, I get it."

"Goodnight," Maura yawns, as Jane retreats from the room.

Jane stops a few feet from the door, "Oh, and Maura..."

"Yes?"

"Put the baby in her crib, and go to sleep."

"I..."

"You can stare at her for the rest of your life. A few hours of sleep is not going to hurt either one of you."

"Ok," Maura agrees.

Maura rises from her chair, reluctantly following Jane's advice, only because... she's not wrong. Maura quietly makes her way to the crib. She looks at her new baby, one more time. She kisses her chubby cheeks, and places her in the crib.

"Goodnight, Hope, sleep tight," she coos.

She flips off the light, and heads to bed. Surprisingly she falls to sleep rather quickly. Despite her attempts to stay awake, and listen for the baby, due to the fear of not hearing her cry, while asleep, Maura falls asleep. She wakes up two hours later. The house is quiet, except for a clock, that ticks, on the wall of Maura's bedroom. She pulls back the covers, and heads down the hall. She stops a few steps out of her room, when she finds the light in the nursery on.

"I know I turned that off," she whispers to herself, "It's probably Angela," she adds.

She tiptoes down the hallway, to the nursery. She stops, and peers in the doorway. She is surprised to find that it is not Angela in the nursery. She finds the Rizzoli sitting in the rocking chair, rocking the baby.

Tommy is so entranced by the baby that he doesn't hear Maura tiptoeing down the hallway. He doesn't realize that he's being watched. He simply sits in the rocking chair, holding his baby daughter. The little girl stare up at him, with big blue eyes. He smiles at her, and begins to speak.

"I should probably put you back, before you start crying. I wouldn't want your mommy to catch us. You won't tell her I was here, will you? What am I saying? Of course you won't. You can't talk, and you won't remember this. No, you won't, my sweet little girl," he gets out of the rocking chair, and Maura takes a step away from the doorway. She listens from the hall, as she backs away.

"Goodnight, Hope, I love you," he tells the baby, as he places her back into her crib.

Maura quickly backtracks, to her bedroom. She hops back into bed, as if she's been asleep all along. She listens as the sound of footsteps disappears.

In the morning Angela finds her in the kitchen, sipping tea.

"What are you doing up?"

"It's morning," Maura replies.

"It's five o'clock."

"I just finished feeding the baby."

"Oh. Are you up for the day?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"Maura?"

"Huh?" Maura responds as she stares off into space.

"What's on your mind?"

"I'm just tired," she lies.

"No, that's not it. Something is on your mind. What is it? Something about the baby?"

"No, not really."

"Are you sure?"

"She's always on my mind," Maura admits.

"So then what else is on your mind?"

"Nothing," she lies.

Angela sits down, at the island, next to her. She nods her head, "I see. Nothing by the name of Tommy Rizzoli?" she guesses.

Maura doesn't say a word.

"I can see why he might be on your mind. He is the father of your child, and you're wondering if he's ever going to step up, or if he's just going to be a deadbeat for all of her life."

"What is he afraid of?"

"Responsibility."

"Why?"

"Maura, I think that what he's really afraid of is losing her. It's easier for him not to get involved, than it is for him to get attached and lose her."

"Lose her?"

"Have something happen to her."

"Doesn't every parent worry about that?"

"Yes. I think he's also a little bit afraid that he'll get attached to her, and that you'll take her away from him.

"Take her away? Where? I'm not going anywhere. My life is here. My job is here. Her only real family is here."

"Maybe he should hear that from you."

"He never speaks to me. I don't want to argue with him. I just..."

"You just what? What do you want, Maura?"

"I want him to talk to me."


	22. Reaching An Understanding

After two weeks, she decides that she's had enough. She wakes up, in the middle of the night. The house is nearly silent. The baby isn't crying. She gets out of bed, anyway. She walks down the hallway. This time, when she sees the light on, in the nursery, she doesn't hesitate, she just walks into the nursery. She finds Tommy, sitting in the rocking chair, holding their daughter.

"What are you doing here?" Maura asks.

He looks up, at her, briefly, but doesn't answer. He quickly returns his gaze, to their daughter.

"Why are you here?"

"I'm spending time with my daughter."

"You don't have to do it, in the middle of the night, she needs to sleep."

"She is sleeping."

"Tommy!"

"What?"

"What is this? What are you doing?"

"I am trying to do the best that I can."

"The best that you can?"

"You missed her birth. You didn't even come to the hospital to see her. You didn't even care whether she was ok, or not."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is."

"I missed her birth, but the rest, isn't true."

"You weren't there."

"Yes I was. I came to see her. You were sleeping."

"When?"

"The first night. I know that I am a screw up, and everyone is always going to assume that I'm doing the wrong thing, but it's not true."

"Really?"

"I was scared to death that something would be wrong, that she wouldn't be healthy. I was afraid that something would happen to you, and I would have to take care of her on my own. Despite everyone's ill-conceived notions about me, I am not a bad guy. I am a good guy."

"Really?"

"I love her."

"That is something you're going to have to prove to me."

"I shouldn't have to prove it to you. I am her father, she's my daughter. I love her, and that is the end of the story."

"Really?"

"I love her, more than I have ever loved anyone, in my entire life. I would do anything for her. It was instant."

"I know."

"The first time I saw her, all I could think of, was that I was relieved."

"Relieved?"

"She looks like you."

"Not entirely."

"I was relieved that she was healthy, and that you were ok, too."

"None of this, is what I expected."

"Which part of it? Getting pregnant, by me? Having my baby? Loving her?"

"This is never how I pictured this happening. I guess I thought that it would be a..."

"Fairytale? There is no such thing. There's only reality, Maura."

"I know."

"And, the reality is, we have a daughter, together, no matter how much you dislike that face. The reality is while, she's lucky, because she has no heart defects, and she's got your lungs..." he pauses, choking back tears. "The reality is, this is going to be a long, hard road. She needs both of us."

"All children, need both of their parents."

"She especially does."

"I know."

"Why don't you talk about it? Why do you let it be the elephant in the room? I have only heard you admit it, once."

"Because..."

"Because what? Not saying it, is going to make it go away? It's not. It won't solve anything."

"It's selfish."

"What is?"

"Why I don't say it."

"What do you mean?"

She swallows hard, trying to fight off the tears, "When I dreamed about this, I pictured this perfect little pink baby."

"Maura, she is perfect."

The tears start to roll down Maura's cheeks, she shakes her head, "No, she's not. No matter how much I want her to be, she's not."

"So what? You don't want to love her? You don't love her the same?""I didn't say that."

"What are you saying?"

"She's special."

"Maura, all babies are special."

"I know that, but..."

"You just have to love her, more. You have to learn to have patience."

"I know."

"She's not the daughter you envisioned. She's probably not going to go to Harvard, or Princeton, or Yale, but that doesn't mean that she can't be anything that she wants to be. She can be, or do anything that she wants. She's just going to need more help."

"This, this is why I can't say it. You all expect for her to be normal, to be like everyone else, and she's never going to be."

"Maura, she has down syndrome, not some fatal condition that is going to keep her from seeing adulthood. She is different. She is going to need more, than most kids, but dammit, Maura! The second you start putting limitations on her, that is what she will be, limited."

"I am just being realistic."

"You're acting ashamed."

"Tommy, I don't know what you want me to say."

"You are the one who chose to have her. You made that decision, knowing that this is what you were going to get."

"I guess somewhere, in the back of my mind, I hoped that the test was wrong."

"But it wasn't. She has down syndrome. You had her, you chose to have her. Now you have to get over your own insecurities, or, whatever it is, that is haunting you. You have to be her mother."

"I know."

"How can you look at her," he stares at the face of his innocent, sweet, baby daughter, "and not love her?"

"I do."

"Unconditionally?"

Maura doesn't answer him. She starts sobbing. Tommy gets out of the chair. He walks past Maura, and places their daughter back into her crib. He moves over to Maura, and takes her in his arms. He hugs her tightly.


	23. Tonight

Finally, she feels some amount of comfort. He lets go of her, and leads her out of the room. He turns off the light, in the nursery, as they leave. He takes her back to her bedroom. She stops in the doorway. He stands inches from her. He does his best, to resist her.

"Goodnight," he tells her.

She takes a step closer, closing the distance between them. "Don't go," she whispers.

"Maura..." he tries to reason.

She kisses him. And any of his attempts, to resist her, become entirely futile.

Hours later, she wakes, to a crying baby. She opens her eyes, and realizes that he's in bed with her. She looks at the clock, it's nearly six A.M. She shakes him, into consciousness, as she holds the sheet over herself.

"What?"

"You've got to go."

"Go?"

"It's almost six. Your mother will be up, any minute."

"Ok," he agrees.

She scrambles around the room, trying to get her clothes back on. She finally gets dressed, and leaves the room. She makes her way across the hall. She flips on the light, in the nursery. She stops, in front of the crib. Hope cries, as she stands over her.

"Good morning," Maura greets her.

The little girl looks up at Maura, and stops crying. Maura lifts her out of the crib. She holds the baby in her arms.

"I know, you're hungry."

Hope remains silent. Maura makes her way to the rocking chair. She takes a seat. For several moments, she just stares at the baby. The little girl, stares back at her, with big blue eyes. Maura runs her fingers through Hope's thick red hair. She kisses her forehead.

Finally after an hour Maura manages to get Hope's belly full, back to sleep. Instead of placing the sleeping baby back into her crib, she swaddles her, and takes her with her. She carries Hope, and her swing into the bathroom with her. She places the swing on the bathroom counter, and takes Hope with her, to get clothes. She returns with clothes, and shuts the door. She securely fastens Hope into her swing, and begins to get undressed. She turns on the shower, and climbs in.

When she finishes she dries off, and checks on the baby. Hope remains sound asleep. Maura dries her hair, and gets dressed. She unfastens the buckle, and lifts the baby out. She carries her out of the bathroom, through the bedroom, into the hallway, and down the stairs. She stops in the kitchen, and finds Angela is making breakfast.

"Good morning!" she smiles, as she puts the eggs, and toast onto a plate. She sits the plate on the island, in front of Maura. Without a word, she slides the sleeping baby out of Maura's arms.

Maura knows better than to argue. She simply takes a seat on the barstool, and begins eating her breakfast. Angela kisses the sleeping baby.

"Eat your breakfast, I'm going to go get her dressed."

"Angela, she is dressed."

"In a sleeper?"

"She's a baby, she can wear pajamas all day."

"Are they clean?"

"I just put them on her."

"I'll be back."

Maura rolls her eyes, and continues to eat her breakfast. She stares in silence, at the empty bouncy seat, in the middle of the island.

Ten minutes later Angela reappears. She fastens Hope into her bouncy seat. Hope's sleeper has been replaces with a dress, leggings, and socks that look like shoes. She wears a tiny purple bow in her hair. Angela showers the baby with kisses, and covers her up with a purple receiving blanket.

"I'm going to work now."

"I'll be fine."

"This is your first day alone with her."

"Angela, I'll be fine."

"If you need anything, just call, and..."

Maura cuts her off, "She'll be fine."

"Have a good day."

"Ok," Maura agrees, as Angela heads out the door.

Maura finishes her breakfast, and rinses the plate off in the sink. She puts the sink into the dishwasher. She returns to her seat at the island. She scoots the bouncy seat towards her. She rolls the blanket up, to expose Hope's socked feet. She gently tickles them. Hope's eyes pop open.

"I know, you hate having your feet tickled. I was hoping you would wake up, for a few."

Hope grimaces, at the thought.

"What do you want to do, today?"

Hope closes her eyes. Maura continues to talk. "I was thinking, maybe we could go to the gym. What do you think? Then we can go to the grocery store? You haven't been out yet, and neither have I. Your mommy is getting a little stir crazy. Since, your grandma isn't here to stop us, I think we should go."

It takes Maura an hour to get everything ready. Finally, with the diaper bag over her shoulder, and Hope in the opposite arm, she grabs her keys, and heads out the door. She carefully places Hope into the car seat. She fastens the harness around her, and covers the bottom half of her, with a blanket. She places the diaper bag, on the seat next to her.

She climbs into the driver's seat, and closes the door behind her. She turns on the car, and backs out of the driveway.

It's five thirty, when Angela returns home. She finds Maura sitting on the couch, folding laundry, while Hope sleeps in her basinet, nearby. Maura watches TV, as she folds baby laundry.

"How is it that the dryer eats her socks? I put eight pairs of socks in, and I got five out. Three are missing."

"That's why she has a whole drawer full, because they're so small that they get lost."

"Did you have a good day, at work?"

"I heard that you went to the gym," Angela takes a seat next to the laundry basket, and begins to fold.

"Where did you hear that?"

"Where do you think?"

"Jane."

"You went to the gym?"

"Yes."

"And the grocery store?"

"Yes."

"You left her, with a stranger, while you went to the gym, and the grocery store?"

"No," Maura shakes her head.

"Who did you leave her with?"

"No one. I took her with me."

"You took her to the gym, and the grocery store? Do you know how many microorganisms..."

Maura cuts her off, "I know. She's fine."


	24. Unbelievable

Jane stands in front of Maura's door. She knocks gently. She waits a few moments. Finally Maura comes to the door. She passes a chubby baby off to Jane.

"You're late."

"Sorry, traffic sucks."

"Really?"

"I overslept," Jane admits.

"Thanks for watching her."

"Have fun," Jane tells her.

"Yeah, I'm sure that I will."

"If it goes well, you can come back to work, tomorrow."

"I know."

"Bye," Jane waves, as Maura leaves.

Jane closes the door behind her. She takes the sleeping baby into the living room. She takes a seat on the couch, with her.

"Hope, wake up. Your auntie is here, we can have fun now, that your mommy is gone."

Hope eyes remain closed. Jane tickles her feet, and her eyes pop open.

"Hi, princess," another voice joins the conversation.

Jane looks behind her. Tommy stands behind the couch, looking over Jane's shoulder.

"What? You don't trust me to watch her, for an hour, or two?"

"I do."

"So what are you doing here?"

"I'm getting ready to go to work."

"And?"

"And I come to see her every morning, before I go to work."

"Oh."

"Give her up."

"Tommy! I never get her to myself."

"You can have her back in a few."

"Fine," she surrenders the baby, to him.

His face lights up, upon seeing hers. He holds her in his arms, close to his heart.

"Good morning beautiful. Behave for your aunt. She's crazy, you'll have to learn to live with that. I love you, Hopie," he showers her in kisses.

He returns her to Jane. She smiles at Jane. Tommy turns to leave.

"So how are things going, with you and Maura?"

"They're going."

"Better?"

"She trusts me a little more, each day, I think."

"Don't screw it up."

"I won't. I'm not going anywhere. I love her."

"Her," Jane points to the baby.

"I love her, and her mother."

"How much?"

"To the moon and back."

"You have to let Maura have her time. She'll let you in, eventually."

"I just hope it's not to late. Hope needs the both of us."

"I know."

"I've got to go."

"Have a good day at work."

"Bye," he waves, as he heads for the door.

Jane is passed out on the couch, when Maura comes home. Hope sleeps on Jane's chest. Maura attempts to take the baby out of her arms. Jane's hands wrap around the baby, tighter. Without opening an eye she warns, "Don't!"

"Jane, it's just me."

"Don't!" Jane repeats.

"Why not?"

"We're napping, leave us alone."

"In ten minutes she's going to be hungry, besides I want to talk to you."

Jane's eyes open. She gets off the couch, and puts Hope into her basinet. Jane returns to the couch. She stares at the bags on the floor.

"What did you buy? I thought that you were going to see your OB/GYN."

"I did. I bought baby formula."

"Baby formula? For what? You breastfeed."

"I know, but..."

"You're tired of it, already."

"I told you."

"She's colicky. I know, but she's a baby."

"And my breasts hurt, and..."

"I thought that was normal."

"It's not," Maura reveals.

"Ok. So you decided to switch to formula?"

"I have my reasons."

"Like?"

"I think that we have pinpointed what is making her colicky."

"I told you, it's the yogurt."

"It's not the yogurt."

"So did you clear it with her Pediatrician?"

"I just got of the phone with him."

"I thought that you wanted to keep breastfeeding."

"I do."

"What's the problem?"

"I don't see you volunteering, to take care of her, when she's screaming at the top of her lungs, all day, and night. No one wants to be around, then."

"Not even my mother?"

"Your mother called her the poltergeist baby."

"When?"

"Two days ago."

"I doubt that."

"I ran to the grocery store, and your mother watched her for an hour. Hope cried the whole time, and then projectile vomited on your mother."

"Are you feeding her, too much? I mean she looks like a little tick."

"Excuse me?"

"Her fat little belly."

"Oh."

"So what's the problem?"

"You wouldn't believe me, if I told you."

"Shoot."


	25. Surprise

"You know how exhausted I've been lately."

"Exhaustion, you're a new mom, and you're sleep deprived."

"And the mood swings."

"You're a new mom, and you're sleep deprived."

"And the headaches."

"New mom, sleep deprived."

"Light headedness, dizziness."

"New mom, sleep deprived."

"No, it's more than that."

"Is something wrong with you? Are you anemic?"

"I am, but there's more to it."

"I told you to take more vitamins."

"I take plenty of vitamins, thank you."

"So, what?"

Maura reaches for her purse. She pulls a piece of paper out, and hands it to Jane. Jane takes it from her. She studies the picture.

"Why are you giving me this? What does this have to do with anything."

"Jane, look at the date."

Jane glances at the corner of the picture, "This is from today," Jane realizes.

"I know."

"That isn't supposed to be there," Jane tilts her head, "It's looks like..." she trails off.

"It is."

"You don't know what I was going to say."

"I'm pregnant."

"What?"

"You heard me, I'm pregnant."

"You have a seven week old baby," Jane points out.

"I know."

"How did this happen? When did this happen?"

"About five weeks ago."

"What? With who?"

"Who do you think?"

"Are you being serious, right now?"

"Why would I lie to you?"

"I can't believe this."

"Neither can I."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I am not going to tell anyone else, yet."

"Until you decide."

"Decide, what are you talking about?"

"Isn't it high risk?"

"Incredibly so."

"So..."

"I'm keeping it. That's not what I'm waiting on."

"What are you waiting on?"

"I'm waiting until I'm through my first trimester, because I want to make sure that the pregnancy is going to..."

"Do you know how hard this is going to be?"

"Yes," Maura nods.

"Have you considered what happens if this baby has down syndrome, too? I mean they're going to be less than a year apart, and that is a big enough challenge, in itself. Not to mention having a child with special needs, maybe two.""I know."

"And you work full-time."

"I know."

"So does Tommy."

"I know."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Not yet."

"How are you going to explain the formula to him?"

"I'll figure something out."

"So are you still going back to work, tomorrow?"

"Yes. I have to, in order to keep my sanity."

"You're crazy."

"I know."

"Maura, you should tell him."

"I will, but I want to wait a few weeks, at least."

"Why do you shut him out?"

"I don't."

"You do."

"I have a hard time trusting people, I guess."

"Because everyone you ever trust leaves you?"

"I guess."

"I'm your best friend."

"And you support me, even when you don't agree with me. You have no idea how much I appreciate this."

"Maura, are you really sure that you want to do this? Have you really thought this through?"

"No. I just found out. I'm still in shock. I can't believe this."

Jane pauses for a moment, to study Maura. Maura looks past her, at the basinet that sits next to the end of the couch. Jane notices the look that Maura wears. A look of fear, confusion, happiness, and, sadness, all rolled into one.

"You're scared?" Jane realizes.

Maura tries to avoid eye contact, but quickly decides that is no reason to be deceptive.

"Yes," she nods.

"You can tell me."

"I have a tiny little baby, who isn't even two months old. A baby who is going to need every moment that I have to spare. I'm not ready to leave her yet."

"So don't. No one say you have to go back to work, tomorrow."

"I have to, or I never will."

"Would that be so bad?"

"I want to go back to work. Working keeps me sane."

"You think it will make you a better mother?"

"I don't know," Maura shrugs, "I just know that..." she trails off. She gets off the couch, and steps past Jane. She walks between the couch, and the coffee table, to the basinet. She lifts the sleeping baby out. She holds the little girl close, and stares at her, as she sleeps.


	26. Scared

She returns to the couch, with the sleeping baby in her arms. Her eyes remain locked on the angelic face of her sleeping daughter. Jane watches, closely.

"You're afraid that if you have another baby, you won't have enough time for her?"

"Yes."

"You're afraid that if you have another baby, it will have down syndrome, too?"

"Yes."

"You're afraid that if you have another baby, now, you will have to give up the career that you love."

"Yes," she nods, doing her best to stave off the tears.

"And, if you do that, you think that you'll regret it? That you will always hold some sort of resentment towards your children, and you don't want that."

"What do I do?"

"I can't tell you that."

"I need help. Jane, I'm too emotional to decide this, on my own."

"You want my opinion?"

"I am sure that you will let me know what that is, at some point."

"But for now?"

"I need something rational. I need numbers, and statistics. I need pros, and cons."

"Ok," Jane nods, "I can do that."

"Good."

"Where do you want to start?"

"Cons," Maura answers, quickly.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes."

"Ok," Jane stops to think.

"Maybe we should make a list," Maura suggests.

"For my mother to find?"

"Right," Maura nods, "Clearly that is not a good idea."

"First of all, you are already extremely sleep deprived. Having another baby is only going to add to that."

"True."

"And, it is going to be a really high risk pregnancy. They're so close together. There is your age, your stress level, and the possibility that this baby could have down syndrome, too."

"Yeah," Maura's face grows paler with each con.

"And it's going to reek havoc on your body. You may never get it back," Jane points out.

"Great."

"You were getting close though, weren't you?"

"One size away. She and I have spent a lot of time walking."

"That's why there is a treadmill?" Jane points to the corner.

"Yes, and on nice days, we go outside."

"Does she like the stroller?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"She hasn't been in it yet."

"Why not?"

"I just stick her in her snuggli."

"That thing you strap to your chest?"

"Uh huh."

"You can't do that with two kids. Someone will have to ride in a stroller."

Without warning, the floodgates open. Maura begins to cry.

"Maura, it's going to be alright," Jane promises.

"No," Maura argues, "It's not. I am already completely overwhelmed. I spend every waking moment with her. I love her, so much... but... I'm happy to be going back to work. I just want to spend a few solid hours, without hearing a crying baby."

"She doesn't cry that much."

"She has, the past few weeks."

"Lots of crying," Jane adds to the list.

"I am going crazy. This is not at all how I thought motherhood would be."

"What did you think it would be? Flowers, sunshine, and rainbows?"

She shrugs, "I don't know."

"Let's talk about pros," Jane suggests.

"Ok."

"Why don't you give her to me?"

"Why?"

"You're getting her all wet," Jane points out. Maura looks down, and notices the tears on the baby. She gently places her in Jane's arms.

"Pros, please."

"They'll be close in age, so they will be really close."

"True."

"If you want another child, now is the time to do it. Let's face it, you're not getting any younger."

"True."

"And as hard as it is, you love her so much. You would love another baby just as much."

Maura looks away. Jane instantly picks up on the awkward energy. Jane looks down at the baby in her arms. She's a precious, innocent little girl, with the face of an angel. Jane looks back up at Maura.

"You're afraid that this baby will be the perfect baby you dreamed of? You're afraid that if it is, you'll love it more, than you love her."

"Yes," Maura nods, shamefully.

"You won't."

"You don't know that, and neither do I."

"Maura, I think that you need to talk to Tommy."

"Why?"

"Because it's his baby, too."

"And?"

"It's not my baby."

"What's your point?"

"I don't have to raise it. I'm the aunt. I get to spoil them, and give them back. Maybe he can offer suggestions, that I can't. Maybe he has a solution, that I don't."

"Ok."

"Maybe the two of you should go out to dinner, and talk."

"Why?"

"So the two of you can be alone, as adults, without a baby, or my mother, to interrupt you."

"Who is going to watch her?"

"I'll watch her," Jane offers.


	27. Right Direction

The car ride to the restaurant is completely silent. Maura doesn't say anything, even after they order their food. She sits and stares at the unfilled wine glass in front of her.

"What's on your mind?" Tommy inquires.

She doesn't answer. She stares at her tall glass of ice water. Another con, she adds to the list.

"Maura," he says, in a louder voice.

She looks up, and her eyes meet his. She stares into his big, honest eyes.

"Yes?"

"What's on your mind? Why did you want to come to dinner?"

"We need to talk."

"Ok. What do you want to talk about?"

"I'm completely overwhelmed," she begins.

"Ok. That's a good place to start."

"I bought baby formula, today. I know that makes me a bad, mother, but..."

Tommy cuts her off, as a smile creeps across his face, "No, it doesn't. No one is going to think any less of you, because you want to use formula."

"Yes they will," she argues.

"I won't," he counters.

"Aren't you going to ask why?"

"It's your decision, Maura."

"That's your opinion?"

"You're her mother. You can make that choice if you want. I actually prefer it that way," he admits.

"And, why is that?"

"Because then you can get some sleep. I can get up with her at night, if we use formula. It will give me a chance to bond with her."

"Oh. Why didn't you tell me that?"

"Because you were so hung up on breastfeeding, for her immune system, and her brain, and... I wasn't going to stop you, from doing what you thought was best."

"I see."

"Maura you're a lot harder on yourself than you need to be."

"I disagree."

"So is that why we're at dinner? You wanted to tell me that you're switching to formula?"

"Among other things."

"Are you still going back to work, tomorrow?"

"I don't have a nanny, yet," she admits.

"I know," he smiles, "I took the day off."

"Oh. You did?"

"She's my daughter, too."

"That is true."

"Maura, don't write me off. I know that I have done stupid things, but I love her. No matter what you do, or say, I am always going to be there for her."

"You are a lot better at this..."

He cuts her off, "Than you thought I would be?"

"I was going to say, than I am."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes you are. She never cries when she's with you. She smiles whenever you're around."

"Maybe she's picking up on your energy. Maura you have got to be completely exhausted. You're up with her every two hours. You spend all day with her. You hardly let anyone do anything with her, or for her. You need to let us help you."

"I think that you should move in."

"Move in, where? I am not living in the guest house, with my mother."

"No, into the house, with me."

"Are you sure about that? Most days you don't like me."

"That's not true."

"Why do you want me to move in?"

"So you can be closer to Hope."

"You won't be jealous?"

"I will, but I'll get over it."

"I feel like there is something that you're not telling me."

She takes a sip of her drink. She stares into his eyes, but says nothing.

"Maura? What is it? Is there something wrong with her?"

"It's not that," she admits.

"Then, what?"

"I found out why she's been so colicky."

"Oh?"

"I went to the Ob/gyn, today."

"What did he have to say, about it?"

"That the increased level of hormones in my blood have probably been making her so colicky."

"What hormones?"

She furrows her brow, and breaks eye contact. She stares at the table, and refuse to look up, at him.

"Maura, what hormones? What's going on?"

She swallows hard. She pulls out her purse. She pulls out a black and white image, and slides it across the table, to him. He stares at it, for a moment.

"What's this?" he asks.

"You know what it is."

"Why are you showing me this?"

"It's from today."

"Oh."

She waits a minute, for it to sink in.

"Maura, is this real?"

"Yes," she answers flatly.

"You're pregnant?"

"Yes."

"Wow!"

She expects him to freak out. He doesn't. Instead, he takes her hand. He squeezes it tight.

"That must be really scary for you. I am sure that there are a lot of things going on, in the back of your mind. No matter what you decide, I'll support you."

She finally makes eye contact. She looks at him, in confusion. She exhales.

"You will?"

"Of course. Can, I say something, though?"

"Yes," she nods.

"You can do whatever you want, but I want you to know, that if you decide to do this, I think that one of us should stay home."

"Oh."

"Wait, let me finish," he begs.

"Ok."

"Since you make way more than I do, obviously it should be me. Which, is fine. I don't mind staying home. I would do it, in a heartbeat. I love her, to death, and I would love this baby just as much. I want you to know, that even if you don't feel the same, I love you, too. I know this was not how you planned things. I know that I am the last person on this earth that you want to be with, but I'm doing my best. I know how much you love your job, and I would never ask you to give that up. It's what keeps you sane, and I know that."

She starts to cry, unable to keep the tears at bay, any longer.

"I didn't mean to make you cry."

"No, I'm relieved, to hear all of this. I feel so overwhelmed, and confused. I felt really alone. I am really glad that I told you," she admits.

He smiles at her. He pushes the chair away from the table, and walks over to her. He hugs her, tightly, and kisses her cheek.

She looks at him, deep in thought. He wipes away the tears.

"What are you thinking?" he asks.

She sniffles, "Now I just want to go home to my baby."

"That's not something I ever expected to hear you say."

"It's not something I ever expected to hear me say, either. I mean we've barely been gone, and hour..." she trails off.

"But you already miss her?"

She nods, "Why does this have to be so hard?"

"Cause the best parts of life, are always hard."

The next thing out of her mouth, is something that neither of them expect to hear. It slips out, without warning, or provocation. "I love you," she replies.


	28. Imperfections

0900-She stares in silence, at the corpse, lying on her cold, stainless steel, table. She wears a mask, gloves, goggles, and a gown. She stares at her scalpel, trying to will herself to make the first cut.

Jane walks into the morgue. She finds Maura, staring at the body on her table. Maura looks up, her glance meets Jane's.

"You haven't started yet?"

"No," Maura shakes her head.

"Are you feeling sick?"

"No, I feel fine."

"So what's the problem?"

"Nothing," Maura lies, avoiding eye contact.

"Maura, it's your first day back, what's wrong?"

"I've been at work for three hours, and I've already called home half a dozen times."

"I think that it's normal, to be worried."

"I know.

"Maura, she's fine. Tommy is with her."

"I know."

"So what's the problem?"

"As much as I thought I wanted to be here..."

"You don't?"

"No," Maura shakes her head, "I just want to be at home. I miss her."

"What's stopping you?"

"I have work to do."

"Maura, this is the hard part. The part where you have to choose, what's more important to you? Is it your family, or is it your job."

"I have worked my entire life for this job."

"Maybe it's time to take a break. You are the best Medical Examiner, around. No one is going to take your place. You're always going to have a job."

"What are you saying?"

"Take more time. The job isn't going anywhere."

"You think that I should take a leave of absence?"

"You still have a ton of time you could take, for your maternity leave."

"I know."

"Take it, and if you're still not ready to come back, take a leave of absence."

"But..."

"Maura, I can't make the choice for you. It's something that you have to do, for yourself."

"I know."

"I'm going to go back to work. Let me know, if you need anything."

* * *

><p>1000- She walks in the door, of her house, to find Tommy in the living room, on the couch, folding laundry. Hope sleeps in her bouncy seat, on the coffee table.<p>

"What are you doing here?" Tommy asks, without looking up.

"I just came to check in."

"Came to check in, or..."

She cuts him off, "I'm not ready to go back to work yet," she reveals.

"Okay," he agrees.

Maura lifts the baby out of her bouncy seat. She walks away with her.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to take a nap."

"Oh, okay," he nods, as she heads up the stairs.

Maura makes her way, into Hope's bedroom. She places Hope in her basinet, and pushes it across the hall, into her room. She stops, when she reaches her bed. She stands over the basinet, and just stares inside. The baby sleeps peacefully.

Maura lifts her out of the basinet. She takes a seat on the bed, and just stares at the sleeping baby. She hears footsteps. Tommy enters the room, and takes a seat, next to her. He looks at Maura, and then at their daughter.

"She's perfect."

"She's not perfect. She's never going to be perfect. Perfect is too high of a standard to set."

"For her?" He cocks an eyebrow.

"For anyone."

"Where is this coming from?"

"I don't know if I can do this," Maura admits.

"Do what?"

"Any of it. I am so overwhelmed. I love her, but when I'm here, with her, I miss work. And when I'm at work, I miss her. I..."

"You're scared. I get it. It's ok."

"No," she shakes her head, "You don't get it. You live in a world of fairy tales, and happy endings. She's not going to be perfect, and this baby won't be either. She is going to have so many challenges, and I just don't know if I have the time to give her. And, now we're having another baby. I can't do this. It's just too much. What if..."

He slips the baby from her arms. He returns Hope to her basinet. He squats, next to Maura.

"Get a grip. Life happens. Everyone has obstacles, and challenges that they have to overcome. You wanted a baby. You have always wanted a baby. When you make the choice to have one, you get whatever you get. That is how life works. There are no guarantees. If you don't like it, and can't handle it, then you should leave."

"What?!"

"Maura, if you don't think that you can love her, unconditionally, because she's not a perfect baby in your eyes, then you should go."

"It's my house."

"Then, we can go."

"We?"

"If you don't want to do this, then I will. I will raise her on my own, if I have to. I love her, even if you don't."

"It's not a matter whether I love her, or not."

"No, it's just a matter of it you love her, enough."

"I..."

"Why is this so hard for you, Maura?"

"You're kidding me, right?"

"Maybe she isn't what you pictured. She probably isn't what you dreamed of, but she is the baby you got. You can't change that. Honestly I don't know why you would want to."

"I know that I can't change that."

"Then why do you want to?"

"Don't put words in my mouth," she insists.

He leaves her side, and scoops up the baby. He heads for the door.

"Where are you going?" she yells.

"To give you some time, alone, to think."

"You're not taking her."

"Why not? It's pretty clear that you don't want her. She's my daughter, I can take her if I want to," he leaves the room, with the baby. Maura falls silent, and the tears stream down her face.


End file.
